Friday, January 18, 2019

Five Minutes with Our CBO.

Ad Aged:
Good morning and thank you for taking the time to meet with me today. Why don’t you take a moment or two and tell me what a Chief Budget Officer—a CBO—does. Is CBO anything like a CFO?

CBO:
Well, I can see how you would be confused. In the parlance of today’s modern marketing landscape, a CBO is no longer a Chief Budget Officer.

Ad Aged:
I’m intrigued. What does CBO stand for then?

CBO:
I am Chief Bucket Officer.

Ad Aged:
Chief Bucket Officer? What is it that you do?

CBO:
Primarily, I put things into buckets. Let’s say you’re selling an incandescent lightbulb. I’ll issue statements like this one: “I think we have to put our customer set into three buckets. Bucket one is heavy lightbulb users. Bucket two is light lights. Your light lightbulb users. And mid-range lightbulb users, they’re in bucket three.”

Ad Aged:
I see. So you organize and categorize things?

CBO:
Not quite. I put things into buckets.

Ad Aged:
Give me a for instance, for instance.

CBO:
Look at it this way. Clients come to us that need utility—they need their content bucket filled—whether that’s social, advertising, anything else. We fill those buckets.

They also need their media bucket filled. Their television bucket. Their online bucket. Their outdoor bucket.

We even have buckets filled with other buckets. And if those bucket-filled buckets overflow, we can fill new buckets.

Ad Aged:
A regular bucket cornucopia.

CTO:
You might say a bucket-full of buckets.

Ad Aged:
Beautifully said.

CTO:
I'll put that in my 'you're welcome' bucket.








-->

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!

For 11 years I've been writing Ad Aged.

And while I've gained friends from it and I appreciate my 375,000 weekly readers, I've yet to make one-thin-dime from the 1.5 million or so words I have written.


That's ending forthwith.

These days, with everyone and his second cousin on the grift, striving for "ROI," or to go public, or to accumulate quantities of Mammon that would stagger Croesus, I have remained principled. And poor.

Until now.

I've negotiated a deal with my friend and sometime-producer Sarah, and by proxy her daughter, Sabrina.

Last year btw, Sabrina was the #1 seller among all the young girls in all of Troop 1368.
ALL OF TROOP 1368!!! ALL OF IT!!!


This is no mean feat. The competition among the young women of 1368 makes the Hatfield vs McCoy feud look like a game of Parcheesi at Miss Havisham's School for Rumpled Ladies in Old Bethel, Connecticut, founded 1857.

Nevertheless, Sabrina not only endured. She prevailed.

This year, to be frank, Sabrina's mom, Sarah, screwed up. She sent a note to the entire agency holding company and its over 187 subsidiary companies, as well as every production company and post house in both New York and LA. 

All good so far.

But Sarah sent her note late.

And her follow-up note even later.

So Sabrina, poor Sabrina, is behind the mint-flavored 8-ball. 

To date, her sales have been, shall we say, languid.


"Listen Sarah," I said to her. "For a nickel a box, I'll put all the vast power of the Tannenbaum Media Network, that is, Ad Aged, to work selling Do-si-dos, Samoas, Savannah Smiles, Tagalongs and more."

"A nickel a box?" Sarah queried, batting her long lashes in disbelief.

"Five cents a box, blondie."

Sarah, somewhat reluctantly, shook on it.

Let's do this.


ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!
ORDER SABRINA'S COOKIES, NOW!!!