Five Minutes with our CLKACO.

Ad Aged:      

Good morning. Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to meet with me. I know as a big Holding Company’s CLKACO, you must be extremely busy.

CLKACO:      

You’re right. Let’s make this quick. I’m as busy as a hotdog at the ballpark.

Ad Aged:      

Why don’t you start by telling me what a CLKACO is—and what you do.

CLKACO:      

Well, when a Holding Company’s stock starts dropping, when revenue falls, what’s the first thing they do?

Ad Aged:      

Double down on their yacht expenditure at Cannes?

CLKACO:      

Got me there. OK. What’s the second thing they do?

Ad Aged:      

Fire the people who actually do the work?

CLKACO:      

OK, wiseguy. What’s the third thing a Holding Company does when it starts going south?

Ad Aged:      

You’ve stumped me.

CLKACO:      

Well, they turn to me. As CLKACO, I’m Chief Let’s Keep Adding Chiefs Officer.

Ad Aged:      

Chief Let’s Keep Adding Chiefs Officer? What is it that you do?

CLKACO:      

Like my title says, I bring in and promote a lot of people. And I give them a “Chief” title.

So an agency that’s in trouble might have 15 or 19 Chiefs. Chief Rumination Officer. Chief Obfuscation Officer. Chief Punctuation Officer. Chief Getting Things From Point A to Point B Officer. And so on.

Ad Aged:      

I’d have thought the opposite would happen when an agency starts to stumble. Maybe you’d cut some overhead at the top and reassure the people actually digging the coal.

CLKACO:       

To the uninformed eye, that makes sense. But we figure differently. Having dozens of Chiefs reassures our shareholders. And that’s more critical than work.

Ad Aged:      

Thank you for your clearing this up. Just a couple more questions.

CLKACO:      

Sorry, we’ll have to continue some other time. I have a meeting in five minutes with our CEEALO.

Ad Aged:      

CEEALO?

CLKACO:      

Chief Expensive Expense Account Lunch Officer.

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