1. An agency that says it's "hot" or on a winning-streak. These things and turn in a second. Hot can turn to icy. And a sense of hot can lead to hubris. Which is always bad.
2. People who declare something "dead" or "broken." Everything is broken. Always. And very little ever dies. People have been declaring radio, print, tv, outdoor, the english language, god, humanity, humor, race, history and just about everything else passé since the beginning of time. Like Timex watches, most things take a licking and keep on ticking.
3. Listings of awards. When I worked on IBM ThinkPad, there was a mandatory on the brief that said, "winner of 700 awards." I said then, and I'll say forever, if you've won 700 of something you've won 0 of something. What's more, there's a window-washer in town that claims to be "award-winning." The award thing has gone too far for too long to be at-all believable.
4. Any automated affirmation from anyone from a fortune cookie, to Google Meet, to Zoom, to my Apple watch. Kindness in real life is too rare to attempt to automate. Sincerity has never been automated.
5. Predictions. With the rise of 24/7, always-on messaging, more maybes are being reported than news. Maybes can make you crazy. As an antidote, it's worthwhile taking seven minutes to memorize this poem.
6. Long-lists of credits. Creative credits today are often as extensive as a menu in a Greek coffee shop. This is bullshit. If you change a word, or move a prop on set, you are not instrumental in the creation of a piece. When such minor contributions get equal billing it takes from those who cracked the nut. Creative credits are not, and shouldn't be, a democracy.
7. Initials. Many (bad) creative directors take someone else's script, change three words, add their initials to the top and make it "theirs." Stop it.
8. Calling commercials "movies" or "films." If you do that, you're missing the point. You're selling stuff. But your art must be in the service of selling. Not merely entertaining.
9. Inspiration. As Errol Morris said to me once, "inspiration is for amateurs." You have a job, you get paid, you work hard and do it. I can only imagine if when I was playing ball I said "I'm not inspired today." I would have woken up with a bat up my keister, with pine-tar on it.
10. Case-Studies in Creative Portfolios. Actually case-studies in general. You should show what you make. Not present an essay on what you've made.
11. "I'll do it later." No. Do it now.
12. "I'm multi-tasking." No, you're doing two or more tasks badly rather than one job well. Multi-tasking was invented by the same people and thinking that said when everyone sits out in the open with no space of their own it will be good for communication. It's an "efficiency" rationalization that by any measure simply doesn't add up.
13. We're family. So were the Borgias.
14. "They care about me." I thought that for many years. Then, as I was making my agency money, handling the toughest clients, teaching young people, and putting out various fires I was fired and had to fight for a paltry amount of severance. They care about themselves. Period.
15. "There's no money." For raises. For bonuses. There always is. For the chosen. Just not for you. If there's no money, really, there's no future and you should leave.
16. Talent Acquisition. People are not acquirable. They are not commodities to be bought. The use of such nomenclature betrays a dangerous and mean attitude. And inhumanity.
17. Creatives who introduce themselves by title. You're either an art director or a copywriter. Anything else is bs and showboating.
18. People who cite fake data. Like human attention spans are shorter than gold-fish's. Or who say, "people don't read." You'll find a lot of back-pedaling if you ask for actual proof.
19. People who post things with people holding up signs.
19. Lists that are numbered incorrectly.
20. Lists that say they go to 99. They usually stop far sooner.
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