Same-Old.

 

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There was an excellent column in the Economist last week, in their "Bartleby" column (which to my mind is often the best of the magazine) which everyone in marketing--on what's left of the agency-side and on what's left of the client-side and on what's left of the media-side--should read.

The article itself isn't specifically on "advertising." It's on the death of differentiation in almost every aspect of our lives. This particular column started this way. (I'll paste the entirety at the end of today's post because I don't know anyone in the entire ad industry who subscribes to the Economist, though David Abbott and company made it--for me--and absolute must read.)

Welcome to the Marryattilton Hotel. We’re delighted that you have chosen to spend time with us, and look forward to making your stay as enjoyable as possible. We offer an entirely commoditised experience which somehow manages to be part of the attraction. Please do take a few minutes to read the following notes.

The "entirely commoditised experience" is everywhere today. Everywhere you look, everything is the same.

Everything is "an experience."
Everything is "redefining luxury."
Everything is "elevating your senses."
Everything is happening at "the intersection of...."
Everything is "bespoke."
Everything car offers to "drive you forward."
Unless it's electric in which case it offers "an electrifying ride."
Every question is "frequently asked."
Everyone offers a "first bag free," "a convenient 24/7 drive-thru," "points," "delivery," and a panoply of other crap that is unremarkable because everyone does it.

Orwell wrote, in his great essay "Politics and the English Language" six rules for better writing, for better communication. Though I've shared this Orwell a dozen times in this space, I'd wager fewer than ten-percent of my readers have read this list, much less memorized it. I'd wager fewer than one-percent of clients have.

Orwell didn't write these rules to bring poetry and euphony to writing.

He wrote these rules so people would notice writing. So it wouldn't wash over readers because they've seen or heard it so many times and with such little freshness and variation

Today, in what seems to me every sphere, we are happy only with clichés and things we have seen before. Anything different, thought differently, written differently, shot differently, presented differently is an anathema. It makes us uncomfortable because we are only comfortable with things we've heard or read or seen before. Our prevailing notion is "it must be right. That's how everyone else does it."

Successful communication starts with, it must be wrong. That's how everyone else does it."

This must be the right way to sell air travel. After all, everyone does it.

Alex Murrel illustrated his essay "The Age of Average," with these photos. 

And I reckon things will get worse, not better, with machines taking over and no human supervision.

Next person to urge me to use the word bespoke, might get a bespoke punch in the kisser.

The article I promised. 

Welcome to the Marryattilton Hotel. We’re delighted that you have chosen to spend time with us, and look forward to making your stay as enjoyable as possible. We offer an entirely commoditised experience which somehow manages to be part of the attraction. Please do take a few minutes to read the following notes.
• Guests must check out at midday. If you wish to extend your stay, please just let us know and we will happily charge you a lot extra.
• The WiFi password is your room number. You will see a warning that your messages may not be securely protected. Please wonder briefly if you should take this warning seriously and then ignore it.
• We have given you two room cards even though you are clearly on your own. Make sure to carry them both around with you so that if you do lose one, you will be sure to lose both.
• You have two complimentary bottles of water. Your name will be displayed on the TV screen when you turn it on. For some reason both of these things will make you feel well treated. 
• Some of our larger rooms come with a bowl of fruit. You would not be excited by the sight of a grape at home. Here you will see it as a mark of very high status.
• You have two flannels, four handtowels and eight large towels. If you need more towels, you’re almost certainly doing something wrong.
• Our amenities include an origami masterclass in your bathroom. The loose end of your toilet roll will be laboriously folded into a swan each morning. The flannels will be shaped into bows. The large towels will be rolled so tightly that this creates a vacuum.
• All our carpets have been specially designed to make you feel dizzy. 
• The windows may or may not be see-through. You’ll be able to judge by the behaviour of the office workers across the street from you. 
• We have given you 20 times as many pillows as you need. Please do not attempt to use them all. It would be like sleeping standing up.
• The sheets will be tucked so aggressively under the mattress that it will take you several minutes of intense effort to ram your legs down the length of the bed. Please do not try to create more room by kicking out furiously. You will only do yourself an injury.
• All your drinking glasses will be wearing little paper hats.
• We take extra care to make the corridors as featureless as possible, so that you have maximum difficulty finding your way back to the lifts.
• You have the use of an extremely large, white dressing gown. Please wear it just because it is there.
• For people under the age of 25, that thing on your bedside table is a landline phone. Simply dial “0” and no one will pick up. These phones are also placed on a table beside the lifts on each floor, where they must never be used.  
• We are committed to using entirely unnecessary packaging. Unwrapping the soap will require both time and incredible determination.
• There is a safe in the wardrobe. Do not use it. It is not safe.
• Sockets are available everywhere throughout the room except close to the desk where you want to work.
• To add a bit of fun to your stay, we always have one light that refuses to turn off no matter which switches you press.
• All our rooms come with two sets of curtains as standard. One for you, and one for your non-existent companion.
• Breakfast is served from 6am. Our scrambled eggs are made of rubber. Our bacon is extremely brittle and will shatter if you apply any pressure. Cereals are available by slowly turning the handle on a dispenser for 20 minutes. If you are tempted to complain, remember that you can go back for more.    
• The air conditioning has two modes: silent and jet-engine take-off. 
• If you try to get up in the middle of the night and find that you cannot move, do not panic. You are not paralysed; it’s just those sheets again.
• If you ask someone at reception for restaurant recommendations they will ask if you would like a map. Despite the fact you have a device in your pocket that can guide you to a point anywhere on the planet, you should say “yes”.
• A coffee machine is located above the fridge. It takes roughly 30 minutes to make it work. The results are disgusting.

Once again, thank you for choosing the Marryattilton. If you have any other questions, please just dial “0”. We hope you enjoy your stay.■