I'll be working from home today.

I've been having some glandular issues lately. Didja ever have that? That annoying feeling where your endocrine gland just tingles, like pins and needles when your foot falls asleep. Speaking of sleep, last night I couldn't what with my damn endocrine gland tingling like a bell hung around the neck of an epileptic cow. Then when I got out of bed and looked in the mirror, I saw what happened. My whole endocrine system was out of whack. I was a full 7'2" tall and weighed northwards of 400 pounds.

Fortunately my endocrinologist was in early and I squeezed myself into a taxi to see him. Dr. Richard P. Cohen (not Richard R. Cohen, he's a podiatrist) has seen it all before. In a flash he gave me an endocrinological adjustment and I was down to my usual height and weight. Oddly enough however, Cohen had gone too far and by the time I stepped out of the cab at my apartment (still intending to make it into the office, mind you) I was 2'7" tall and weighed a scant 34 pounds.

That's no way for an ECD to show up at the office. What kind of authority would I have if I showed up pocket-sized? So, I'm going to take it slow today and try to sleep this anomaly off. I'll be online with limited access to email and you can reach me through Natasha, my able-bodied assistant (woo-hoo) or via cell.