This is from Harper's Magazine. It is a synopsis of television listings by Brett Fletcher Lauer, in jubilat: 15, a “found text composed of movie descriptions from online TV guides.” Lauer is the poetry editor of A Public Space.
A former soldier tries to rescue a kidnapped nuclear physicist from a terrorist who wants her to create warheads.
A corporate climber, whose boss and others use his apartment for hanky-panky, aids a young woman.
A litigious brother-in-law urges an injured TV cameraman to sue.
A declared-dead man hides out with a widow after his wife and her lover botch his murder.
The Russian inventor of a new marine propeller falls in love with a woman in 1939 London.
The amateur sleuth has a killer, a gangster, and the police on his trail.
An assistant New York district attorney works and flirts with his adversary and her kooky artist client.
A checkout girl covering for a coworker faces danger from a drug dealer she double-crosses out of desperation.
Evil partners experiment on an infant and send his twin to a reputable research nursery.
Four teenage outcasts use mental and physical powers to punish their high school tor-mentors.
An insurance salesman joins would-be heirs and the butler in a mansion with a millionaire’s corpse.
Three inept private eyes try to catch a killer gorilla at a spooky mansion.
A law-enforcement officer from Earth seeks vengeance for his brother’s mysterious death on Mars.
A dishonest lawyer must prove he is not a killer.
Genetically engineered piranha head for a beach resort.
A man takes singing lessons from drag-queen neighbor.
People hide in a house from carnivorous walking corpses revived by radiation fallout.
An innocent couple face life in prison after false accusations of child molestation.
Explosives ace helps woman get revenge in Miami.
A giant mutated lizard wreaks havoc in New York.
An undercover policeman tries to thwart an old friend, now a Los Angeles gang leader.
David and Kathy spend half of their third date lying and the other half confessing.
A mystery writer and her friends are stalked by a faceless throat-ripper in a haunted house.
Rival reporters mix romance with work as they hunt an apartment-house killer.
A doctor injects himself with ape fluid and turns hairy; he needs human fluid to turn back.
While blackmailing a corrupt police officer, a man becomes involved with two women.
No-frills policewoman is ordered to protect a pampered actress who has witnessed a murder.
From a sanitarium morgue slab, a corpse tells how she died and who was involved in her death.
Sent to a Wyoming summer camp, troublemaking surfer twins are mistaken for forest-ranger recruits.
A fourteen-year-old orphan becomes an NBA basketball player after he finds a pair of magic sneakers.
An all-powerful New York gossip columnist gives a press agent some dirty work.
A woman gives etiquette lessons to her reluctant granddaughter who is heir apparent to a throne.
A conspirator turns an arrogant ruler into a llama.
There was a time when I, as an advertising copywriter, envied TV writers and thought they were the real deal. What a joke. And now, unwatchable Reality TV has decimated their form and their prospects.
ReplyDeleteGeorge,
ReplyDeleteThe 2nd one is The Apartment.
Is it wrong that I saw this as a round of Trivial Pursuit instead of a symptom of our vast vapidness?
The 2nd to last one is The Princess Diaries.
The 5th one was an Olivier film. Give me a minute, maybe I'll remember the name.
Oh, fine. I'll stop now.
Regards,
Kelly
P.S. The checkout-girl one sounds awfully familiar.
The one below that is also a Billy Wilder movie with Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau called "The Fortune Cookie."
ReplyDeleteI guess when you boil things down to eight words, it's hard to make them sound intelligent.
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