Our guest columnist gets ontological.

While Mr. Big Schott gets ready for his work, Sylvie and I sit in the kitchen having a muffin, corn, and a cup of coffee. Mrs. Big Schott is cooking up a storm it being Passover dinner tonight and all four burners are burning and the oven is on too, it feeling like an oven with all the cooking going on.

So, I did what a normal person would do, I open up the window a bit, we should have some ventilation. A minute or so later Mr. Big Schott walks by and says, "Close the window, Uncle Slappy, it's raining outside."

So I say to him, "If I close the window, it will stop raining?"

That's the only way to deal with a big schott. Stump him.