Things that ruin other things.

Yes, hipsters, you have made me feel old.
Yes, my mind is more capacious than yours.
Yes, I am more facile. More experienced.
Faster and harder-working.

But you have made me feel old.

You, when I wasn't looking, turned everything into a fetish of design.
By making everything designable, you've ruined just about everything.

Jeans--you know, those pants you pay $200 for, used to be the ultimate in utilitarian clothing. You, hipster, tore them and made them a fashion statement. You did the same with t-shirts. And canvas sneakers.

These were things that functioned. That worked well. And were inexpensive.

You have decided that everything need be cool.

You fucked up coffee.

You made corned-beef lean when, god knows, the flavor is in the fat.

And brought filet mignon and sushi to ballparks.

Shit, you tore down Yankee Stadium.

You haven't made anything better.
You've taken things that worked and made them precious.

You've ignored the simplest of dicta.

Form no longer follows function.

To you,
form is everything.
Function doesn't matter.

Substance, to you, is something "nobody reads."

As Dylan said, "a hard rain's a-gonna fall."

I hope your ever-so-carefully designed umbrella keeps you dry.

I'll be wearing galoshes.