Memes.

Of late there have been a spate of asinine videos running around the web entitled "Sh*t _________ say." I suppose there have been so many they qualify as a meme. Though somehow humanity has existed for hundreds of thousands of years and never felt it necessary to use the word "meme" before, though now it's uttered every few paragraphs and, we'll quickly be assured by non-English speaking "creative technologists" that it is part of our taxonomy as if anyone really knows what a taxonomy is.

The real point about these Shit memes is that they are not funny. And by the time the inspiration hits you and you decide to post one to your mother-fucking Facebook wall, said memes are as moldy as week-old toast.

Meme, I'm convinced, is creative-technologist Newspeak for corny.

But in any event, I thought I'd come up with my own memette, a little meme, which I am calling "Shit No One in Advertising Ever Says."

We have too few meetings, please fill all my available time.

That planner's 48-minute ramble starting at 7:30 was clear, cogent and clarifying.

HR is so helpful. I'm going to call them more often.

The brief was exactly the right length.

Please continue, I love when people read aloud directly from Powerpoint.

Sure, I'd love to write some performance reviews this afternoon.

My favorite part of the job? Timesheets.

Man, that memo from the Holding Company's Chief Risk Officer was really informative.

Thank you for your valuable feedback. I'm looking forward to incorporating all 48 of your excruciating and picayune comments.

Project management really stepped up to the plate on this one.

That proofreader is such a balanced and stable person. I love working with her.

That person's more experienced than I am. I think I'll let them do the talking.

Please.

Thank you.