Morale.

I've been at or near the top of enough agencies to have been made to sit in countless meetings where stuffed shirts of various sorts (and the creatives they summon to their side, especially when they themselves don't have a clue) discuss things like agency culture, morale and retention rates.

I've heard all sorts of proposals to accomplish said tasks, but all I've ever said in response to such ideas is this: you're pissing into the wind. What you're proposing, beer on Thursdays, comp-time for weekend work, etc. doesn't amount to a hill of beans. They might make you feel better. You can report to whomever you report to that you've put together a 10-point plan. But in the real world of despairing agency morale, they'll work as well as a Senegalese state internet provider.

Here's the thing. Simple and to the point.

If you want to improve morale in your agency, it costs some money.

You don't put senior creative people in "economy" seats on the red-eye and expect them to go to client meetings within hours of the time they land.

If you want to squeeze everything out of them like a Polish washerwoman wringing the water out of a hand-towel, all your "morale" initiatives aren't worth a bucket of warm piss.

If you want me to work at near coronary levels, at least have the decency to pony up a couple hundred bucks and put me in business class.

As you would if you really gave a rat's sphincter about morale.