Five minutes with a CIDO. (Live from Cannes.)

AD AGED: Hello, I hope you’re enjoying Cannes as much as I am. And thank you for agreeing to spend five minutes with me.

Pardon my ignorance, but what exactly is a CIDO?

CIDO: Well, look around you. And it’s obvious what my job is, what I do and why I’m needed.

I am a Chief Is Dead Officer.

AD AGED: A Chief Is Dead Officer? I’m sorry, I can’t quite fathom that. Perhaps you could elucidate.

CIDO: It’s simple, really. I proclaim things dead.

AD AGED: So, you’re something of a corporate coroner?

CIDO: Not exactly. I say things are dead when my agency isn’t able to do them.

So, if we’re staffed more with technologists and financial people than creative people, I’m in charge of saying “Creativity is Dead.”

AD AGED: I see. Is it?

CIDO: That’s not the point. Because if you get right down to it, Reality is Dead. Big Ideas are Dead. Television is Dead. Print is Dead. Digital is Dead. Radio is Dead.

AD AGED: You’re pretty good at this dead thing. Anything else?

CIDO: Not to be harsh, but the fact is, insipid interviews like this…they’re dead, too.

AD AGED: Well, thank you for your time today. One more question. Is there anything that isn’t dead?

CIDO: Yes. Rose´.