100 things I don't want for Christmas.

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h/t to Andrea Scotting

1.    A new pair of Gary Vee GV005 sneakers.

2.    The non-billable job number.

3.    A stocking full of empty-promises.

4.    Gift certificate to the company cafeteria.

5.    E-coli from the company cafeteria.

6.    Your thoughts and prayers.

7.    Tweaks.

8.    The revised revised brief.

9.    Feedback on round fourteen.

10. Hard stops.

11. The dial-in number.

12. And the 17-digit security code.
(It’s harder to hack into a conference call than a White House meeting.)

13. Giant balls to sit on.

14. Standing desk.

15. Standing meetings.

16. Status meetings.

17. Lack of status.

18. Blowhards.

19. Pontificators.

20. Bloviators.

21. B-roll.

22. C-roll.

23. D-roll.

24. Buttered rolls.

25. Fruit roll-ups.

26. Role-playing.

27. Stale meeting sandwiches.

28. Stale meetings.

29. Meetings.

30. Lunch meetings. No lunch.

31. Lunch meetings. With lunch.

32. The obligatory ‘how was your weekend?’

33. The obligatory ‘any plans for the weekend?’

34. The obligatory working weekend.

35. A “great opportunity” (which is really a great opportunity to work the weekend.)

36. Another C-level executive.

37. Layoffs

38. Grande skim Eggnog latte.

39. “I need to see you.”

40. “We need to talk.”

41. “Can I pick your brain?”

42. “Can I borrow you for a minute?”

43. Software updates that take two hours.

44. Software updates that take two minutes.

45. The Peloton girl.

46. People saying how the Peloton girl portends the death of advertising.

47. People saying how the Peloton girl portends the revival of advertising.

48. Ryan Reynolds.

49. Reynolds wrap.

50. Debbie Reynolds.

51. The casting specs.

52. Inspirational messages on LinkedIn.

53. Anything decorated with holly emoticons.

54. Any woman named Holly Emoticon.

55. A partridge.

56. A pear tree.

57. Vetting.

58. Curating.

59. Threatening emails about some form you didn’t sign.

60. Threatening emails about timesheets.

61. The year-end timesheet reminder.

62. The year-end expense reminder.

63. Global phenomenons.

64. Cars with ribbons on top.

65. Ribbons with cars on top.

66. Commercials with Santa Claus.

67. Commercials with Mrs. Claus.

68. Commercials with elves.

69. Musical bells.

70. Cookie agreements.

71. Accepting terms and conditions.

72. End User License Agreements.

73. People who don’t listen.

74. Alternative facts.

75. Climate deniers.

76. Evolution deniers.

77. Constitution deniers.

78. Graft deniers.

79. Decency deniers.

80. Customer service that isn’t.

81. Those hideous Amazon commercials with the singing boxes.

82. Those hideous Toyota commercials with the woman pointing at cars.

83. Though hideous Hyundai commercials with the woman pointing at cars.

84. Commercials that yell at me.

85. Commercials where “real people” say things that aren’t real.

86. Bundled offers.

87. Omaha steak commercials.

88. The talking snot commercial for Mucinex.

89. $364 million pitchers to buy a championship.

90. Fox TV.

91. Vanna spinning the wheel.

92. Pantone’s color of the year.

93. People commenting on Pantone’s color of the year.

94. ‘It’s due yesterday.’

95. ‘It’s due ASAP.’

96. ‘It’s due in 10 minutes.’

97. ‘We’re late.’

98. Lack of thanks.

99. Lack of patience.

100. Lack of kindness.