Wednesday, December 11, 2019

Dear Crabby.



Crabbigail Van Buren. Photo credit: Mark Denton. https://www.coy-com.com/
A periodic advice column of life in…and out of advertising. From advertising’s 4
th oldest-living copywriter.
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Dear Crabby,

Later this week, my agency is having an All-Hands meeting. I can’t help but thinking that this is “Hand-ist.” Over 40,000 people in the US are missing a hand—or more. This limb-shaming—or digit dictatorship, if you will—is wrong. This speaks ill of our diversity and inclusion efforts if we estrange the otherly-limbed. Signed, One-Hand-Clapping

Dear One-Hand,

I couldn’t agree more. A much better name would be an “All-Heads” meeting. On the assumption that everyone has a head.

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Dear Crabby,

After two weeks of long days and even longer nights, we finally produced a new business deck we could all be proud of. It came in at 249-pages. Don’t you think we should win the pitch just based on the weight of the deck alone?  Signed, Clean and Jerk

Dear Jerk,

Definitely. In our business it always makes sense to weigh our words. And may the heaviest words win.
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Dear Crabby,

I hate to say this but I’m a creative director and I’ve seem to run out of ideas. I need this job and don’t want to be found out. What should I do?  Signed, No Clue

Dear No Clue,

Everyone finds themselves in that situation now and again. The thing to do is to take over a conference room and line the walls with multi-colored stickies. It’s best to put a single word on each stickie—like Insight, or Genuine, or Authentic—to give the sense that you’re bristling with ideas.

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Dear Crabby,

I’ve been with my agency for five years and I’m still making the same salary I was when I started. What can I get to do to earn more money?  Signed, Pockets Out

Dear Pockets,

This time of year a lot of retailers are looking for seasonal employees. Check out the want ads at local liquor stores or the Gap.
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Dear Crabby,

With just four holding companies controlling 70% of the jobs in advertising, is there anything we can do to fight their power to depress wage-levels?  --Swill Bucket

Dear Swill,

No.




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