Rainy days and Fridays always get me down.

Ads that never ran or never will run are more important than ads that sell things.

 

The most repeated promise is the empty promise.

 

Everything that used to work is dead. Because.

 

Nobody watches anything except your ads.

 

People have short-attention spans but love 168-page powerpoints.

 

Writing a brief should take longer than writing an ad.

 

What’s most-important is how long it took to make.

 

It tested well.

 

Award-winning is the most-important adjective.

 

Inexperience that's cheap is more valuable than experience that’s expensive.

 

Nothing is worth the money except client fees.

 

If you need to make a decision keep asking for opinions until you find disagreement.

 

The loudest voice is the most important voice.

 

According to awards shows, the world’s most-advertised products are Scrabble and Lego blocks.

 

The US suicide rate has increased by 35% since 1999. But people are always happy especially while using Swiffer, eating cold cereal or removing pet stains from carpets.

 

The best way to sell a car is to show it as it is never used—on a road without traffic, dead possums or potholes and driven by models.

 

People hate to read but J.K. Rowling has sold 500 million books. One book for every 14 people on Earth.

 

We hate advertising but readily respond to cheaply-produced always-on content that shouts at us.

 

We hate slave labor but love sneakers made by slaves.

 

Anything you don’t agree with is wrong.

We don’t have time to talk to our friends and families but crave conversations with brands. Especially room-freshener brands. Pine-scented.

 

We operate on razor-thin margins but offer obesity-fat holding company salaries.

We're all in this together. And we're family. And my door is always open, though I haven't had one since 2006.

We're looking for driven people who are hardworking and ambitious but who don't mind not getting raises.

We're looking for self-starters who love being micro-managed.