I've spent my life in the advertising industry. It's paid for my two homes, my kids' college and grad school educations, my dog's extensive wardrobe and my 1966 Simca 1500 with a broken heater and loose muffler.
In an effort to save Holding Companies the time and money involved in firing people, I've created the "Fiero. The World's First Firing Bot."
... Welcome to the Fiero...
The World's First Firing Bot
Fiero:
Hi, how are you today. I'm Fiero,
the world's first automatic Firing Bot.
How can I help you today?
Victim:
What's this about?
Fiero?
You just popped up on my screen.
Fiero:
... THINKING THINKING THINKING
Victim:
Fiero, are you there?
Fiero:
Hi, how are you today. I'm Fiero,
the world's first automatic Firing Bot.
the world's first automatic Firing Bot.
How can I help you today?
Victim:
You contacted me.
You contacted me.
Fiero:
....Yes.
Fiero:
... THINKING THINKING THINKING
... THINKING THINKING THINKING
Fiero:
You are being fired today.
You are being fired today.
Fiero:
Your last full day of employment will be
three weeks ago yesterday.
Victim:
What do you mean I'm being fired?
What do you mean I'm being fired?
I'm scheduled to shoot a spot next week.
Fiero:
... THINKING THINKING THINKING
Fiero:
Hi, how are you today. I'm Fiero,
the world's first automatic Firing Bot.
Hi, how are you today. I'm Fiero,
the world's first automatic Firing Bot.
How can I help you today?
Victim:
You just said I was fired.
Fiero:
Your last full day of employment will be
three weeks ago yesterday.
Press 1, if you've been made redundant based on
a reevaluation of the changing client needs.
Press 2, if you hearken back to the '80s.
Press 3, if your agency is undergoing strategic
reassessment based on the shifting media landscape.
reassessment based on the shifting media landscape.
Press 4, if your Holding Company is hemorrhaging money
due to severe mismanagement bordering on thievery.
Press 5, if you'd like to repeat these options.
Victim:
What kind of severance do I get?
What kind of severance do I get?
I've worked 40 weekends this year
and worked here for 12 years.
Fiero:
Hi, how are you today. I'm Fiero,
the world's first automatic Firing Bot.
the world's first automatic Firing Bot.
How can I help you today?
Fiero:
Your last full day of employment will be
three weeks ago yesterday.
Victim:
What is going on?
Fiero:
Press 1, if you'd like a box to put your things in.
Press 2, if you'd like to settle Aeron-chair rental fees.
Press 3, if you'd like an envelope to put your things in.
Press 4, if you'd like to be switched to our
Empathy and Consolation bot.
Press 5, to repeat these options.
Victim:
This is crazy. I just ran into Liz the CEO!
She told me what a great job I was doing.
I had dinner with the client last night.
Fiero:
Hi, how are you today. I'm Fiero,
the world's first automatic Firing Bot.
Hi, how are you today. I'm Fiero,
the world's first automatic Firing Bot.
How can I help you today?
Victim:
I've put in 12 years here. Nights, weekends,
canceled vacations. I'm winning awards.
My account is making money. Is there no one
to talk to?
Fiero:
... THINKING THINKING THINKING
... THINKING THINKING THINKING
Victim:
What about my severance?
What about my severance?
Fiero:
While the Sever-O-Matic is preparing your package,
While the Sever-O-Matic is preparing your package,
Press 1, if you'd like easy-listening music.
Press 2, if you'd like the contemporary sounds of smooth jazz.
Press 3, if you'd like to hear the latest CEO investor call.
Victim:
Sever-O-Matic?
Sever-O-Matic?
Isn't there anyone I can talk to?
Fiero:
Hi, how are you today. I'm Fiero,
the world's first automatic Firing Bot.
Hi, how are you today. I'm Fiero,
the world's first automatic Firing Bot.
How can I help you today?
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