Tuesday, April 6, 2021

America. According to commercials.

I don't watch a lot of television. But when I do, I see a world that resembles not at all the world I actually live in. I understand advertising has always knocked out the dents of life and rubbed in a coat of wax--but the lack of reality and humanity in modern advertising is, to me, startling. 

People, I suppose, are personas or archetypes, or most often, targets. Their needs are no longer Maslowian. Madisonavenuian. Wholly false and artificial. I worry about such things. And estrangement from and false depiction of what life is really like and what really matters to people.


                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.

I talk to my
friends about
my colorectal
exam.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.
I regularly 
hi-five people
while watching
TV.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree
I often break
into spontaneous
dance.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.
I smile broadly
when I eat
breakfast cereal.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.
I tell people how
reliable my
phone network is.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.
I mention brand
names in every day
conversations.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.
Every time I buy
fast food, the workers
are merry.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.
I carve duck
decoys
while an
announcer
reads disclaimer 
copy.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.
I jump when I take
a selfie.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.
I have never
driven
in traffic.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.               I I hold up my
hands like I'm 
being robbed
while my car 
parks itself.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.
I'm easily
persuaded
by balloons in
car showrooms.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.
I lay on the floor
while using my
logo-less laptop
computer.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.
I put mustard on
hotdogs in a 
zig-zag pattern.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.
I always get the
last can of beer.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.
I'm ready to
switch to
Chevy.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.
I drop tons of
steel ingots
in the back
of my pickup.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.
I ride my bike 
with my feet out.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.
A candy bar
puts me in a 
good mood.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.
I'm 27 years old
and live in a 
$19 million
home with an 
ocean view.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.           Waitresses at
chain restaurants
are always
beautiful.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.           Food at chain 
restaurants
is always
beautiful.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.
Every Christmas
I surprise my
spouse with his 
and hers SUVs.
                                                    disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.
I think cars look
best with giant
bows on top.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.
My friends laugh
uncontrollably--
so much so
that they steal
my fries.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.
My financial advisor
smiles knowingly
then points to his
computer.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.
Depressed people
put their face
against the wall.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.
There are no lines.
There is no waiting.
                                                     disagree.                  neutral.                strongly agree.
Everything is clean.




















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