Listening to "Platitudes. The Podcast."

I am almost always over-subscribed, almost always trying to cram twenty pounds of shit into the ten-pound bag that contains my life. 

Last week, fairly at wit's end, three different and unconnected friends sensed my despair and each recommended that I tune into a new podcast called "Platitudes. The Podcast."

I'd provide a link, but the podcast, or so I'm told, is available only to almost 65-year-old copywriters. You'll have to make do with the partial transcript below.

JAUNTY MUSIC UNDERNEATH

HOST:

Hello, unhappy friends and even unhappier foes. It's time for yet another edition of Platitudes: The Podcast. The only podcast that makes you feel worse by trying to make you feel better. 

Today's episode is brought to you by Weight Watchers. We watch as you gain weight.

Let's go right to our first caller.

CALLER ONE:

Hey, Platitudes. It's Bob from Houston and I feel like shit.

HOST:

That's ok, Bob. We all feel that way sometimes, and we have the free will and the strength to turn that feeling around!

CALLER ONE:

Thanks, Man. That helps. I haven't worked since Covid hit in March of 2020 and I'm really starting to worry that it's me--and I'll never work again.

HOST:

Bob. Listen to yourself. You're letting yourself be defined by your work. Or in your case, your lack of it. You're more than just the job you don't have, Bob. You're much more than that. You're all the promotions you didn't get. The money you haven't earned. 

Remember, Bob, only you can be you. So don't let anyone force you to conform to their idea of what success is. You're Bob. You decide.

CALLER ONE:

Thanks, dude. I feel better now.

OK. 

Hello! You're on the line.

BETHANY:

Hi, this is Bethany. I don't know what it is, Platitudes. I just feel like a failure.

HOST:

Remember, Bethany. No one is a failure who has friends.

BETHANY:

Well, actually, I have no friends.

HOST:

Hmmm. Well, Bethany, success is a team sport. One person alone can't row the boat. High-performing teams are made up of people who are willing to sacrifice for each other and sometimes sacrifice each other. No one ever looked good trying to make others look bad and that goes for meatloaf, too. Leadership is not a rank to be achieved, it's a hill we all climb together. 

Being present is being a game changer. Wrapping a present is a pain in the ass. When we tell people to do their jobs, we get workers. When we trust people to do the job, we get leaders.  When we add about an ounce to a quart, we get liters. When we wear short pants tailored into overalls, we get lederhosen. 

HOST:
Let's go to Caller Three.

LILLIAN:

Ah, Platitudes, I...

HOST:

If you want to do amazing things in life, take amazing people with you. Love your family, work super hard, live your passion.

Life shrinks and expands on the proportion of your willingness to take risks and try new things. I put zero weight into anyone’s opinion about me because I know exactly who I am. Can you say the same?

 

Hello, Caller Four.

You're on the line.

CALLER FOUR:

Ah...

HOST:

Live your passion. That means that when you get up for work every morning, every single morning, you are pumped because you get to talk about or work with or do the thing that interests you the most in the world. 

You don’t live for vacations because you don’t need a break from what you’re doing—working, playing, and relaxing are one and the same. You don’t even pay attention to how many hours you’re working because to you, it’s not really work. You’re making money, but you’d do whatever it is you’re doing for free. Being cool has nothing to do with age; it has to do with how solid your identity is. Stop focusing on dumb shit. 

Don’t be afraid to break things. Don’t be romantic. Don’t take the time to breathe. Don’t aim for perfect. And whatever you do, keep moving. Re-listen to this a few times. 

Hello, Caller Five.

You're on the line.

CALLER FIVE:

Ah...

HOST:

Passion is an unmatched fuel. Add being happy to that and you have a wonderful formula for good health. Being unafraid of making mistakes makes everything easy for me. Not worrying about what people think frees you to do things, and doing things allows you to win or learn from your loss—which means you win either way. 

Hear me now: you are better off being wrong ten times and being right three than you are if you try only three times and always get it right. Developing your personal brand is the same thing as living and breathing your résumé.

HOST:

Thanks for listening. Tune in next week for Platitudes: The Podcast.