Monday, November 6, 2017

Five minutes with our CMO.

Ad Aged:  So, you're a CMO. I assume that stands for the venerable title "Chief Marketing Officer."

CMO:  Dude, nothing could be further from reality, bro. Marketing is dead. 

Ad Aged:  I think that may be the subject of another post, after all, you do work at an advertising agency.

CMO:  Brah, it's all about social causes and transparency. I'm only giving this interview because your blog has such a small carbon-footprint.

Ad Aged: Thank you, I think. I wasn't aware I had a carbon-footprint at all. But tell me what CMO stands for.

CMO: Chief Millennial Officer, Bro. I help agencies relate to millennials. They are impervious to modern marketing. We can reach them only by doing things for the betterment of the world.

Ad Aged: An example, please. 

CMO:  Sure, Totino's toaster burritos--a new product. With every purchase, Totino's will donate a dime toward the AAG Foundation.

Ad Aged:  AAG. Who are they?

CMO:  AAG, Brah. Adopt a Goldfish. Thousands of our finny friends were abandoned after the disasters in Puerto Rico and Houston. We find good homes--good bowls--for them. 

It's a little something I call "Causevertising." And millennials eat it up.

Ad Aged: Abandoned goldfish.

CMO: That's not all. Buy a ten-pack of Ticonderoga pencils and we'll donate a nickel to an inner-city program that is really close to my heart. Dude, I grew up in the 'hood.

Ad Aged: And what inner-city program is that?

CMO: Did you know that four out of ten desks in inner-city schools wobble? Millennials everywhere are buying Ticonderoga pencils and eradicating wobbly writing surfaces.

Ad Aged: I wasn't aware this was such a problem.

CMO: I call it 'the silent killer.' Wobbly desks don't actually kill people, but it's a good line.

Ad Aged: Well, our time is just about up for today. Any parting remarks?

CMO: Dude, I wonder if you have any interest in adopting a goldfish. It could do wonders to increase your readership.

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