Yiddish autocorrect.

Some years ago while using my vaunted iPhone, I texted "Oy" to someone. The geniuses of Cupertino autocorrected that oy to "it's." Like they never heard Yiddish before, the Lingua Franca of the civilized world. Below, some modest suggestions.

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YOU WRITE:

I’m running a little late. Be there in five.

YIDDISH AUTOCORRECT:

Once again I’m running late because I have no respect for your time. I’ll be there in five minutes if I don’t get hit by a bus.

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YOU WRITE:

I had to leave. Coming down with a cold.

YIDDISH AUTOCORRECT:

I’ll probably be fired for leaving early. But who cares considering there’s a good chance it’s not just a cold, it’s polio.

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YOU WRITE:

LOL

YIDDISH AUTOCORRECT:

Lots of Lox.

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YOU WRITE:

I’m coming down with a cold.

YIDDISH AUTOCORRECT:

I have tuberculosis.

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YOU WRITE:

Call me later.

YIDDISH AUTOCORRECT:

Call me later if I’m not dead yet.

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YOU WRITE:

Flight is delayed. Be home around 10.

YIDDISH AUTOCORRECT:

Call me later if I’m not dead yet.

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YOU WRITE:

BRB.

YIDDISH AUTOCORRECT:

Bring Rebecca Brisket.

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