Despite all the Holding Company bombast about diversity, equity and inclusion, the industry can always do more. Now, you can help! Give the agency you love the genuine diversity tip jar. Drop in a dime or a quarter every time you see a person of color. In no time, you'll see that $2 or $3 has been collected. Wow! That doubles or even triples Holding Company diversity expenditures. It's not much, but every penny helps (and pennies are gladly accepted.)
There are no bonuses or raises this year.* *Unless you already make over $600,000. But with the Ad Aged Mask of Happiness you can respond to that sad and repetitious news with a believable ear-to-ear grin. Not only is it convincing, the mask is perfect for kissing executive ass with. Now packaged at a special low price with Ad Aged's Genuine Cognitive Dissonance Glasses. They'll hide your confusion when your agency has another twenty-percent reduction-in-force while winning its twentieth Agency of the Year award.
Since no Holding Company any long provides any sort of training, Ad Aged is proud to bring you the QR Code of Nothingness. Simply point the iPhone that you pay for so your company can reach you 24/7 at the QR code, and snap a picture. In minutes, absolutely nothing will happen. Before you know it, you'll be accomplishing just as much as the worldwide North American Global Chief Creative Officer for EMEA is accomplishing. You'll be every bit as productive as the agency's 17 Chief Client Officers, 21 Presidents and 19 Senior Chief of Senior Chiefs.
Here's a special gift for senior agency players. It's not easy for senior empty suits to issue asinine banalities on Social Media. The Ad Aged Stupid Platitude Generator will do it for them. It's dumber than real life and easier than losing your remaining clients. Check out these random winners:
- When you wish good things on others, good things come back to you!!
- Creativity is getting in touch with your inner child.
- Creativity is nothing but solutions.
- Collaboration is the art of collaborationzing with collaborators.
- Our work is both deep and shallow in a deeply surface way.
We all want our agency--and our clients--to be Carbon Neutral. The Carbon-Neutral Date Maker can help. Just spin the giant wheel and you'll land on a date. Now, make an announcement.
Say, "We'll be carbon-neutral by 2070." Or, "We'll remove all plastic from our executive board by 2090." It doesn't matter if truth has no bearing on your statement--no one ever checks up on anything. That's the beauty of having eliminated investigative journalism and accountability.
The Ad Aged Hands of Time Clock Collection. Because, as you know, your time is fast running out. Especially for me.