Bot-ily Harm.

Fred, my best friend of more than fifty years, from the time we met as ninth-graders at the age of 13, till the time he died of the Big C in 2022, was a big basketball fan. 

Fred grew up in a hotbed of schoolyard basketball, Mt. Vernon, New York, abutting the Bronx and every bit as sharp-elbowed. Mt. Vernon was regularly sending hoopsters to major college basketball programs, including Scooter and Rodney McCray, who played for the Louisville Cardinals and later the National Basketball Association. And the Williams brothers, Gus and Ray, both of whom played at major colleges and in the pros.

New York, when we were boys, was a basketball Mecca. The woebegone Knicks won league championships in both 1970 and 1973. They played smart, New York basketball that emphasized defense and teamwork and us kids loved them for it.

Some years ago a current Knicks announcer joked that the lousy Knicks squad could probably beat the '69-'70 team. His broadcasting partner was in disbelief. He replied, "Well most of the Knicks from '69-'70 are in their eighties now.

As much as he tried, Fred could never light a basketball fire under me. 

I like the sport, but I believe that the game hasn't changed its rules as it should have. In 1947, for instance the average height of a pro basketball player was 6'2". They probably weighed on average 180 pounds. 

Today, the data says the average height is 6'7" and while I couldn't find avoirdupois data, I'd imagine the average weight is at least 215 pounds.

Meanwhile, the court hasn't changed in size. Meaning the game is less graceful than it should be and more like bumper cars with a bouncing ball. 

I'd regularly regale Fred with my incessant stupidity. "They should make the basket twelve-feet high," I'd say. "And the game should be four on four. There's too much clutter on the hardwood."

I bring all this up because I feel something similar has happened to advertising. And we're all so busy scrambling around and doing our assignments and filling out our timesheets that we haven't noticed that new circumstances demand new rules. Otherwise, things just decay.

We have all sorts of capabilities now--we can do things we could never do before--and there's no agreed-upon rules on how advertisers should behave. That might be why it seems more and more advertisers are behaving worserer and worsererer.

Like switching basketball to a four-on-four match to accommodate the bigger masses of players, we need similar changes in advertising.

Here are a few suggestion. Apologies to those I offend. I think companies will earn more money if they treat people with respect than if they abuse the pixels out of them.

1. No cyber spying. If you mention or type or hover on something you shouldn't all of a sudden be sent 94 ads on that topic.

2. No cyber stalking. Ads shouldn't retarget you. Retargeting is a gross term. It's a benign way of saying what it really is: cyber harassment.

3. No surveys. I went to the hip doctor last week and got lousy service and approximately eight surveys. There was no indication that the survey would lead to better patient care, or anything other than its the thing to do anytime someone visits your store.

4. No pretending a human did it. If an algorithm wrote it or designed it, the viewer should know. If impersonating a cop is a crime, impersonating a human should be, too.

5. No free pass for bots. Some variation on the Turing Test. Unless a bot can do the job as well or better than a human, a human should be used. Otherwise, a warning label that says, "we don't care enough you to pay for a human" should be prominent.

6. A bot is a bot not a human. Bots, by definition, aren't human and can't be your friend. They shouldn't try to act like your pal. They should be robotic, because that's what they are: robots.

7. Pay as you go. No AI or LLM deserves free-training based on your writing, your photos or your whatever. If your work is being used for training, you should get paid.

As an aside, I went to the grocery store today. There was no one to help me find anything. I had to check out by myself. I had to supply my own bag. When stores switch from providing service to basically a "warehouse you can shop in," the savings should be passed on to you. Cutting costs, service, etc should benefit users as well, not just shareholders.

John, sorry about the Knicks, man. 

You deserve better.