Ask Me No Questions.

Today, before, during and after anything you buy, or even ask about, you're likely to get a survey asking about your experience. The survey usually asserts that the surveyor is asking for feedback so they can improve their service, but I've yet to see anything improve.

It wasn't that long ago if you wanted to make a hotel reservation you could call the hotel itself and talk to someone who worked at the actual hotel you were interested in staying in. Now you go to a central phone-bank, probably thousands of miles from the hotel you're interested in booking, and you get someone who knows nothing of anything and cares even less.

The same holds true if you're trying to get a doctor's appointment. Since every doctor now has been subsumed into a giant medical group, after pressing a number of options on a phone tree, you get to a person who has no idea what you're doing, what you need, or even what doctor you're trying to get in touch with.

What's more, at least when it comes to making a doctor's appointment, because the "medical holding company" is worried about law suits stemming from their lack of service, they have to ask you a dozen or so questions that have nothing to do with what you need, just so they can be on the record of having asked them. Such protocols do nothing for you except cause frustration.

Recently I stayed at the Hyatt Regency in Mission Bay in San Diego. I'm old-fashioned and imagined their use of the word "regency" in their name meant they had some vestige of noble service or amenity. 

Instead the hotel was slovenly. The towels one step down from those found in my high-school locker room, the carpet designed to hide filth and so on. What's more, they had the fuckiness to tack on a daily $39 resort fee--which was mandatory whether or not I decided to use the resort.

Then came the survey.

Then came a sentence in a mechanized note after I filled in my survey.

What's important here isn't my experience. It's the way we serve our customers in amerika--and that includes, if you can make the leap with me--the way we treat people and depict services and serve people through the commercials we create and air. (Yes, I am still reeling and agape at what was shown during the Super Bowel.)

Here's the sentence that got me.

"I am so sorry to see that your visit did not exceed expectations."

I'm sorry, you completely missed the point. My visit didn't not exceed expectations, as I wrote in my survey, it didn't come within one-thousand miles of even meeting my expectations. 

This is a letter that feels like a bad marriage. Not only do you ignore everything I say, you twist everything to your advantage. I didn't say you didn't exceed my expectations. I said you sucked.

The next sentence is even worse and even more emblematic of a bigger problem. It's not even in English. "We strive ourselves..."

Just because strive sounds like pride (the word you meant to use) doesn't mean they're interchangeable. You, don't even care enough to proofread or write intelligibly.

Advertising sucks today because we've somehow decided we're not supposed to help people (that often costs money) instead we're supposed be a part of culture. 

I'll handle my own culture. How about you, advertisers, trying to understand what I need for my money. Clarity. Service. A nod to my humanity. A comfortable seat. No bait and switch. No hidden charges. 

How about rather than giving me an experience, you give me what I paid for. In the case of the Hyatt Regency Mission Bay, a clean room, a reasonable cup of coffee, without mandatory charges for things I don't want.

The problem with advertising isn't just giant holding companies lowering wages so a few people at the top can make $49,000,000 annually. It's that people, customers, you and I no longer matter. All the celebrity bs and becoming part of culture is a distraction from the impecunious reality of modern amerika.

We couldn't give a rat's ass about anything but maximizing returns and minimizing service. The golden rule isn't in effect. It ain't even gold-plated. It's not even brass. It's gone.

We treat others as victims and hope they don't notice. That's why advertising sucks.

Now, what did you want to ask me about?