I guess about 50 years ago, when the earth was a couple of degrees cooler, the oceans measurably less-acidic, and the white house was still standing, some marketing person typed, "_________ is the official pork rind of summer."
Wow!
Their client ate that up like they were nicotine-filled M&Ms at a focus group.
It's like they got a sponsorship for free. They never had to pay the people who own the rights to the season, because no one does--yet. They just glommed onto the appellation and went onto their next blight on our airwaves.
Soon, and quickly, others jumped on the "official ______" bandwagon.
In short order, we had the official beer of summer, the official hot dog of summer, the official charcoal briquet of summer, the official lemonade of summer, the official club soda of summer, the official cola of summer, the official grape soda of summer, the official lemon-lime soda of summer, the official orange soda of summer.
If the Dr. Brown's people are reading this, how about "the official cel-ray of summer." That sings!
This "official pork rind of summer," uncorked at least two more asinine marketing avalanches.
First, every sport, occasion, moment, day of the week became a marketable entity that could be claimed by a marketer. You see companies suing others over using the word "the" or the color orange or putting jam on bread. Everything has been stolen and venal companies hold onto their stolen assets like a third-grader gripping a kickball when things don't go his way.
We have "the official ________ of pickelball." And because that's absolutely meaningless, some copycat built on it and typed, "the official _________ of neighborhood pickelball." Someone else went to "the official ________ of left-handed neighborhood pickelball."
As Billy Pilgrim said, "And so it goes." As george said, "And so it pukes."
A second phenomenon followed. Quickly.
Now every calendar integument has been cordoned off and appropriated for some or another or another organization, real, purported or marketing.
January is National Mentoring Month, Slavery and Human Trafficking Prevention Month (presumably they're ok other months), and Veganuary. February is Bird Feeding Month. March is Brain Tumor Awareness Month (you can forget about your brain tumor in April.) April is Poetry Month and Cancer Control Month and Confederate History Month (some cancers aren't controlled, apparently.) May is Smile Month, Zombie Awareness Month and International Masturbation Month.
Skipping around, we have Ice Cream Month in July. Honey Month and Pain Awareness Month in September. Pizza Month in October. Academic Writing Month in November. (I can't wait.)
More short term, there's Malbec Day, Hummus Day, World Milk Day, International Sushi Day, Beer Day, Egg Day, Porridge Day, Tripe Day.
In fact, if you spend any time on Linked In, you'll see one of these months or days being flogged for its nominal commercial value almost every day.
I think this is one of those technique that make it through creative meetings easily and go on to sell to clients even easier.
ACD: Don't you see--we rename Tuesday 'Achoos-Day.' Everytime someone sneezes they'll think of Kleenex.
ACCOUNT: Do you realize the earned media value of this? We'll get billions in sneeze-pressions!
CLIENT: Sneeze-pressions! Did you T M that? I love it!
Go into any supermarket at virtually anytime of the year, virtually any day of the week, or turn on the TV or radio turning any sporting event and you'll see about 92,000 of these official nonsenses.
Everyone's an official blank of blank.
Everyone's award-winning.
Everyone's the same.
Everything's the undifferentiated.
And it sucks.
This is my official dumbest post of today.
But so it's not a total waste, I'll include something smart.
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