The Dead Lions. 17 New Cannes Awards for 2026.

With Cannes, once again, right around the corner, before-too-long our feeds will be filled with people announcing their attendance, boasting of their short-listing or bloviating on the importance of it all. And even though, Cannes awards more trophies than ever (over 1000 in 2024) I'm not entirely sure their awards and categories reflect the reality of today's advertising business. 

That being said, some suggestions for new, relevant awards:

1.
The "We-spent-more-on-award-entry-fees-than-we-did-on-salaries" Award.

2. 
The "We-no-longer-have-that-client-but-we're-paying-for-them-to-go-anyway" Award.

3.
The "One-of-just-two-people-in-the-agency-not-judging-the-awards-and-announcing-it-on-Linked-In" Award.

4.
The "I-was-never-a-cool-kid-but-now-I'm-on-a-yacht-and-you're-paying-for-it" Award.

5.
The "Yes-my-feet-are-size-14EEE-but-they-look-great-in-celadon-colored-espadrilles" Award.

6.
The "We've-laid-off-30%-of-our-staff-since-Tuesday-and-are-hoping-to-win-Agency-of-the-Year" Award.

7.
The "I-spent-$32,000,000-on-award-and-all-I-got-was-this-lousy-trophy" Award.

8.
The "Yes-my-lanyard-covers-more-than-my-Speedo" Award.

9.
The "I-don't-think-awards-are-important" Award.

10.
The "It-never-ran-but-it-helped-raise-our-industry's-standards" Award.

11.
The "Milk-this-award-like-a-prize-Holstein" Award.

12.

The "When-we-get-back-to-the-agency-we're-going-to-make-all-the-work-award-winning" Award.

13.
The "I've-been-here-so-many-times-I'm-blasé-about-it" Award.

14.
The "I'm-pretending-that-Paris-Hilton-is-a-vital-force-in-advertising-and-worthy-of-attention" Award.

15.

The "I-have-no-idea-who-that-celebrity-is-either-but-won't admit-it" Award.

16.
The "Most-photographed-with-people-I-can't-stand-but-I'm grinning-like-an-idiot-anyway" Award.

17. 
The "Who-can-win-the-most-awards-before-going-into-receivership-or-being-merged-out-of-existence" Award.