Friday, February 20, 2015

Stopping by Desk on a Winter Morning.

Stopping by Desk on a Winter Morning   
                                      with apologies to everyone

Whose desk this is I think I know,
I’m sure she’s on vacation though.
She will not see me working here
When she is back, I’ll have to go.

My MacBook Pro must think it queer,
I haven’t time to have a beer
Between six projects and a pitch,
When you’re freelance, that’s your year.

I’m working hard, my day rate's rich
My poor left eye though has a twitch,
From working weekends, nights, vacation
When you’re freelance, no 'on-off' switch.

My desk is humble, a temp work station
It’s here I do my best creation
And form ideas right from gestation.
When you’re freelance, you ban frustration.



Busy.

It's 7:00 and once again I am in an lonely-halled office.

The only other sound's the whoosh of white noise.

Or the occasional janitor wheeling something, somewhere.

My nose is down an inch or so.

It's been butted up against the grindstone for so long.

I'm busy.

And I keep getting busier.

I guess it's like that old adage.

When you need something done, give it to the busy person.

Listen, I'm sorry this post sucks.

Too much work to do.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Awards and Cadillac.

Cadillac, the once-vaunted automaker, seems to change agencies as often as John Boehner changes tanning salons. They're now at Publicis and have just launched yet another new advertising campaign themed "Dare Greatly."

If you've ever pondered how far the agency business has strayed from its original intent, you only need to read the bit of the story I've excerpted below.

While Cadillac hemorrhages sales--will they go the way of Mercury, Oldsmobile, Plymouth and others--the advertising trade press is wondering if their newest filmic abortus "will ever win any awards."

Let me be clear.

Cadillac is all but irrelevant.

And the "Dare Greatly" spot referenced above doesn't even show the product.

Look, Cadillac is selling fewer cars per year than they sold 60 years ago when the US had only about 170 million people as opposed to our 320 million today.

Dear Cadillac Agencies and Trade Press: It's not about winning awards. It's about selling cars while you rebuild a moribund brand.


Wednesday, February 18, 2015

A warm night in Torreon, Mexico.

We were losing, as we were so often that summer. This time we were down against the Vaqueros Laguna, the Laguna Cowboys of Torreon, Coahuila, just a four or five hour drive due west from Saltillo, past Matamores on old Route 40, through the desert.

I've always been a window-looker-outer--and this was the era before iPods and streaming video--the Golden Era of looking out of bus windows. Some guys jabber on a team bus, others sing, or play the seat in-front of them as drums. Others do a crossword, or read a paperback. Most sleep. Me, even today, I look out of windows.

The desert on either side of Route 40, I thought to myself, was probably the loneliest place I'd ever seen. Just dust and scrub and every so often a saguaro or a clump of sage. Lonely sage, like the left-behinds from a lost civilization. You'd see a shack once in a while, abandoned, which only made you wonder. What was someone doing out there in the first place? Why? How? What were they hoping for? What had they thought they could accomplish? And where had they gone now that they were no more.

We would pass through dusty little towns that rang like sad bells in the dust. A bodega. A painted sign reading "cerveza," or Coca-Cola. And political graffiti on every paintable surface. We would pass through these towns in our team bus with the words "Seraperos de Saltillo" painted on the side with a baseball wrapped in a colorful Serape, and children would laugh and wave and run after us. If we stopped for gas or for water for the radiator, the men would come out holding three beer bottles in each hand, or four, balanced like ballerinas between their fingers and the women would come with fruits or little fried cakes dusted with sugar that I still, I'll admit, on occasion crave.

These scenes were better, to me anyway who was seeing them for the first time, these scenes were better than anything on TV. They were life unvarnished and unadorned, without the gloss of Hollywood, without the pall of a laugh-track.

We arrived in Torreon, with its industrial smoke and its dust and its still lagoon, a sick brownish green from algaed water simmering still in the heat. We passed the tall marble memorial to the 303 Chinese coolies killed by Revolutionaries in 1911 and we arrived, finally, our throats dry with dust despite the beers we bought along the way, at Estadio Revolucion--Revolution Stadium, where Pancho Villa led the masses, until he was shot dead, shot 40 times with dum-dum bullets in his 1919 black Dodge, nine of those bullets hitting him in the head and chest, scattering the pumpkin seeds he was nibbling on as he drove.

We arrived at the Estadio Revolucion and peeled out of our sports-jackets and slacks and fell into our away grey uniforms. In minutes, just minutes we were out in the field playing pepper, turning major-league double plays and slugging the batting practice balls for the wooden fences or the benches not yet black with people.

I was back at third that evening. Clemente Bonilla was back in right, his hamstring was no longer pulled and the blazing rookie who replaced me at third, Gonzalo Bustamante, who had shown such promise just weeks before, had come back down to earth with a thud. His .400 batting average was now a terrestrial .250 and soon he would, like so many others, be beating the Mexican bushes, or saguaro, looking for work--and for a way to hit a curve.

We were down three to zip and couldn't touch their guy. He had mown us down four frames in a row, with no one even marking him, no one hitting the ball with any strength. I came up in the fifth determined to get on and when a pitch came inside, instead of turning to avoid it I stuck out my left elbow and got myself nicked.

I was on base, our first runner of the night.

I saw her, again, as I led off the bag and took my lead to second. She was wearing the same white dress as she had on in Reynoso. And she sat not on one of the wooden bleachers but on a beaten valise she had placed in the aisle. I looked at her and tried. Tried to get her attention. Tried to see if she was there only by coincidence, or even if it was the same girl.

I led off first and our bats came alive. Buentello stroked an opposite field single sending me to third. I came in when Angelo Diablo squeezed a bunt down the line. He made in safely to first, Buentello to second and we were down 3-1, with two men on and none down.

We kept hitting the ball. Javier, batting for Valenzuela in the ninth slot, knocked in Buentello and moved Diablo to third. Then hit hit hit. And we were up 5-3 and batting around when it became my turn at the plate.

Hector Quesdailla our manager yelled a cheer he had created from the dugout.

"Jorrrrrrrrrrrrrrgeeeeeeee," he chanted, elongating the syllables.

"Navidad," responded our bench, clipping the word.

"Jorrrrrrrrrrrrrgeeeeeeeee."

"Navidad."

Garibay was on second, two down. And their guy grooved one high and tight but a little less tight than it should have been. It was right where I had my power. In a moment, the ball I had slugged was sailing over the forest green outfield wall.

7-3.

"Jorge Navidad!" I heard the girl yell as I trotted my circuit. "Jorge Navidad."

That's the way the game ended and we were ebullient in the locker-room. The games didn't matter that much anymore--we were firmly entrenched in seventh or eighth place, but a win is a win and a come-from-behind win even moreso.

When I left the locker-room for the bus back to the hotel, the girl was there. She was sitting on her valise, waiting for me.

"Jorge Navidad," she said.

Her name was Karmen. Karmen Rodriguez and in the ten minutes we spent talking, me in crappy Spanish, her in crappy English, we were deep in love. It was my first love. Perhaps unfortunately, not my last.

She was a ticket-taker at Estadio de Beisbol Francisco I. Madero, our home ballpark. She told me she loved me. Words I hadn't heard before. Ever.

Hector came out of the locker-room and headed for the bus. He looked at her. He looked at me. He turned back to her.

"This is my son," he said. "You be good to my son."

"Your son," she whispered with her large brown eyes lowered demurely, "I love for him."

With that, the three of us boarded our team bus to our hotel. Salome Rojas, my roomie, tripled up with Buentello and Cesar for the night. Karmen and I had my room alone.

"Jorge Navidad," she whispered as I locked the door for the night. "I be good to Hector's son," she said. And she shut the light. "I love for him."





Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Brando on the M-15.

I was sitting on a slow (redundant) downtown express bus this morning perseverating, I'll admit, about all the things I needed to do today. Being a freelancer is never having to say "I'm sorry." Or "I can't." Or for that matter, "You'll have it later."

It's an on-demand world, and the race goes to the swift, the strong and the well-prepared.

My mental to-do list was getting to the point where it was as long as Hadrian's Wall and I was feeling more than a little agita.

Then.

Marlon Brando got on the bus.

A perfect replica.

The same puglistic underbite.

The same concave pencil eyebrows.

The same beaten bomber's jacket he wore in "On the Waterfront." The only thing missing was the longshoreman's cargo hook my Brando didn't have affixed to his shoulder.

Then, unfortunately, my Brando ruined the effect.

He pulled a can of Red Bull from his pocket.

And sipped at it.

Here's how the real Brando drank.

Here's how you treat a frail.

Pay especial attention at around 1:40 in.


Way back in 1939.

We talk, in our business today, about experiences. I wonder how many people have ever actually had one. Or, if like most things in our lives--like small coffees they call 'talls,' they have been verbally watered-down into meaninglessness.

I'll tell you something, seeing "Aida" at the Met is an experience.

Seeing Ray Charles and the Raelettes at the Blue Note is an experience.

Seeing Ralph Fiennes read TS Eliot's "Four Quartets," well, that's an experience, too.

Seeing 'Medea' performed in Attic Greek (though my Greek is rusty) at an amphitheatre on the site of the Parthenon, that counts, too.

I've never seen an app or a commercial or some other contemporary bushwa come close.

Sorry.

On Saturday night, a small local movie house in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, rickety and reeking of artificial flavor decided for Valentine's Day that they would present one of the great movies of all time on what passes for in the 21st Century, a big screen.

So my wife, my 23-year-old daughter, Uncle Slappy, Aunt Sylvie and myself piled into my daughter's new white Subaru and arrived at the Varsity Theatre early.

We grabbed popcorn and soda water and settled into our up-front seats. Max Steiner's music came up, a little wobbly through the non-state-of-the-art sound system, and then the corny type with little "wind marks" on all the letters.

I wondered if the movie were to be re-done today if re-creating the "wind marks" would cost as much as the entire movie did in 1939.

We read the opening title card. We read. And we were inside the glorification of the gallant old South, of muscled men with pencil mustaches and winsome virgins with unfreckled bosoms and 17-inch waists.

We laughed. We laughed at Butterfly McQueen high pitched manipulations. We laughed at Hattie McDaniel's brusque wisdom and minstrel-show ministrations. We laughed mostly at Scarlett's weaving her web and Rhett being onto her like feathers on a duck.

It was an experience, it was. Four-and-a-half-hours of dated-ness and eternal story-telling. With wisdom, duplicitousness, laughter, bravery and pain.

It's like nothing you see on your computer, your 60-inch TV which might be spying on you, your, god forbid, your smart phone.

There's nothing like seeing a classic as it was meant to be seen.

I've seen "Shane" on a big screen. And "Bad Day at Black Rock," with the opening train scene in stunning Cinemascope, and most of Keaton (not Michael) and Chaplin and Lloyd. I've also seen "Animal Crackers" with the Marx's and "The Third Man," when the audience went as still as death as Orson said "a cuckoo clock."

GWTW was surpassing.

People throw around the word classic to denote anything they remember from their childhood, whether it's a "Scooby Doo" rerun or a comedy with Pauley Shore.

That's ok.

I won't piss on your parade.

But someday you should take the time.

To see what you're really missing.

To see what those words, experience and classic, really mean.

Friday, February 13, 2015

New York cab ride.

As usual I had miles to go.

Rushing to a meeting.

And miscalculating how long it would take to get up and over.

And over some more.

The thing that screwed me up, actually, was the elevator.


The building I was leaving apparently has one of the originals.

You know, installed by Elisha Otis in 1853.

Ca-chunck ca-chunck ca-chunck wheeeze ca-chunck.

It was like that for 14 floors.

I ran out like a prisoner released from Camarillo.

Free at last.

I couldn't find a cab.

Nine-degree weather can do that.

Finally, I found one going the wrong way.

The driver snapped at me.

"I can't make a left, man."

"Just do what you have to do."

And he did.

He wove more than Betsy Ross.

Around trucks. Past New Jersey-ites. Underneath city buses.

We made it to the West Side Highway.

The man didn't just have a sixth-sense.

He had eight, nine, ten senses.

Every lane he chose was the right one.

He was a wizard.

A magician.

We made it.

Six minutes late.

"Where are you from?" I asked.

"Nepal."

Metro column : Immediate action plan answer to traffic jam

"They don't drive like that in Kathmandu," I said.

"They don't drive like me anywhere."

Ten dollar tip.



Women in the Tempus Fugit.

Ah, Insomnia.

Dame of the Night. Queen of Darkness. The Black Goddess of Sleeplessness.

She dropped by my bedstead and knelt to kiss me awake.

"Go away," I said. "I am no longer in your thrall."

"Ha," she laughed, kissing my forehead. "Ha. You are mine."

She pulled me from warmth. She dressed me caressingly. And there we were. In 4-degree weather. With Whiskey, my almost-three-year-old golden retriever, trudging in the chill, to the Tempus Fugit.

No, friends, not the West-coast version thereof, that one Rich Siegel haunts. But the dark, gloomy original. Foreboding yet friendly.

Whiskey settled into her spot, at the foot of my stool. The bartender brought her a small wooden bowl of water and then hustled back around the teak and pulled me a Pike's (the ALE that won for YALE!)

"They're all here tonight," the bartender began.

I sipped at my Pike's and scanned the room. Except for a table at the back against the wall, near the signed glossy photograph of ex-heavyweight champion Gene Tunney, the place seemed as neat as a new hotel room. That table had a chair pulled about three inches out and an old "New York Journal-American" newspaper folded in thirds on its top. That newspaper had ceased publication in 1966.

I drained my amber and he deftly yielded another, wiping the teak in front of me and settling it in front of me.

"Who's here?" I asked stupidly.

"Every woman who ever was, whomever had a hold on you. This is the hour when memory dances and does a rousing can-can in your Hippocampus."

"Lovely," I said. "I come here because they don't know this place."

"They're where you are." He consoled. "As the one and only Barbara Stanwyck said in Sturges' "The Lady Eve," 'You have no idea what a long-legged gal can do without doing anything.'"

"Sturges could sling it," I admitted. "Stanwyck also said 'I need a man like the axe needs a turkey.'"

He laughed and slid over a small bowl of salted Spanish peanuts. As is my wont, I pushed them his way.

"No woman wants a round man."

He be-suds'd me again, filling my juice glass full of Pike's for a third time. I scanned the room for lithe athletic blondes, dark-eyed brunettes and even a well-upholstered redhead or two.

"Hello girls," I announced.

He laughed at that and walked over to the coat tree where I had hung up my red-hunting jacket along with my Russian Astrakhan lid. He helped me on with my things.

"Go home," he said. "Go home to the one who matters."

I slid two twenties his way.

He slid them back.

"Cheaper than alimony."

Whiskey and I walked home alone in the dark cold.


Thursday, February 12, 2015

A Guest from the West.

Rich Siegel writes a great, funny, insightful blog on advertising and life called Round Seventeen, visit it here. Often.

We decided to trade places for a day. Today Rich has written Ad Aged, below, and my day's post is on his blog.

Enjoy.
---

I have always been jealous of my friend George’s apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. Not because of its view of the East River. Or its colorful doorman whose quick and colorful snappy retorts are often quoted by residents of the building.

Truth is, I’ve never stepped foot in the place. But it is in Manhattan. In the city where I was born. And it is in walking distance to the famous Tempus Fugit where they serve Pike’s Ale (The ALE that won for YALE.)

So you can imagine my delight when I heard that Tempus Fugit was following in the footsteps of other successful drinking establishments, like Benigans, Fuddruckers and Applebees, was in expansion mode and had opened the doors to Tempus Fugit West.

Even more exciting, TFW, was right here in Culver City, on the East end of town in a building, near a building where Charles Bukowski had once urinated on.

I wanted to make my first venture to TFW a special one, so I purposely waited for one of those Southern Californian nights that lent itself to moody over imbibement. It was Tuesday and the temperature had already dropped in the low 50’s. Moreover, as the local weatherman had teased for a week, a low pressure system was viciously working its way down from Santa Barbara and was drenching Southern California with “Intermittent Sprinkles.”

Nevertheless, I braved the elements and made my way towards the Tempus Fugit West where I was quick to discover they served a new microbrew, Mustache Dan’s – The IPA that beat UofA. I cozied up to the bar and made eye contact with my barkeep, who carefully poured me a pint while pointing out some of the finer points of the TFW, which to my disappointment seemed unlike its east coast counterpart.

“Check out the pock-marked floors. Are you seeing that? Those are new, freshly pock marked floors?” asked the overly enthusiastic bartender.

“Yes,” I replied, hoping to stem his eagerness.

“We have a guy from Brentwood who came in and pocked the floor. He has his own business. Best floor-pocking this side of Barrington Ave. If you want your floors pocked I can give you his card.”

I made quick work of the first Mustache Dan’s (The IPA that beat UofA) and ordered a second. At this point I tried to steer the conversation in another direction.

I hadn’t come to the Tempus Fugit West in search of any life wisdom. On the other hand I wasn’t averse to listening to a worldly saloonkeeper prattle on about his recent safari in Namibia. Or his dalliance with a leggy secretary….er, Administrative Assistant who worked the seedier section of Boyle Heights. Hell, I’d even entertain an overwrought soapbox sermon drawn from the writings of Tolstoy or Dostoevsky.

But Brad, my bartender, was not game. In fact, when prodded, Brad admitted
he had never read any classic literature and was a huge fan of the Cliff Notes.

“I do like Russian Dressing on my salad. And isn’t it the same as Thousand Island? Which is weird because I don’t think Russia has a Thousand Islands. Or does it? I don’t know, I’m a Wheel of Fortune guy. Do you like that show?”  

The Intermittent Sprinkles had turned to a Light drizzle and I thought it best to start my walk home before shallow puddles started forming on the streets. I drained my beer thinking my experience with Tempus Fugit West was not what I had hoped.

I reached in my wallet and pushed a twenty dollar bill across the slick slate bar, polished by a guy in Pacoima who also does flooring and shower tiling. Brad didn’t slide the twenty back in my direction with a wink and a smile, which might have redeemed the evening.

He put the bill in the cash register and waited…

“That’s two IPA’s and the Kale chips….comes to $26.50.”


Wednesday, February 11, 2015

A poet.

Last night, late, I "discovered" a great voice. A surpassing New York poet, Babs Gonzales. Gonzales was most famous for his hit "Op Pop A Da" and for being Errol Flynn's chauffeur.

He is as New York as the Yankees.

As New York as grime.

As New York as fuhgeddaboutit.

As New York as Joseph Mitchell and the New Yorker.

As New York as it gets.

Dig.

And be dug.