Five Minutes with our CRRO.

All characters and events depicted in this post are entirely fictitious.
Any similarity to actual events or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

AD AGED:
Hello, and thank you for spending a little time with me today.

CRRO:
Ooooh. You said the word...spending. Please. Not. In. My. Presence.

AD AGED:
You have an issue with spending, I take it.

CRRO:
Of course, I do. Especially as our Holding Company's CRRO.

AD AGED:
I'm not familiar with your title. What exactly does CRRO stand for?

CRRO:
I am the Chief Remuneration Reduction Officer.

AD AGED:
Can we have that in English, please? What does a Chief Remuneration Reduction Officer do?

CRRO:
Simply put, I reduce salaries.

AD AGED:
Wow, that sounds harsh. I've heard a lot in my days. But I never heard about a salary being cut.

CRRO:
Well, not cut exactly. But as inflation and hours worked increase, salaries stay flat--sometimes for decades. So in effect--

AD AGED:
So in effect, you have remuneration reduction.

CRRO:
Yes. I've distributed to managers throughout the holding company 44 plausible reasons inflation will continue to eat into salaries.

AD AGED:
44 reasons?

CRRO:
That's right, an agency no longer has to give an employee a bonafide reason why her buying power is decreasing. The manager merely has to state a number between 1 and 44.

For instance:

If I say to a salary supplicant, "12," that means: "Your group did well but your department didn't."

Remuneration reduced.

AD AGED:
Ingenious.

CRRO:
Here are some more:

If I say 1, it means, Salaries are frozen.

2 means, You didn't produce a lot.

Here are a few more. These are so ubiquitous, we no longer even have to say the whole reason. We just blurt a number.

3. You produced a lot but didn't win awards.
4. You produced a lot, won awards, but not the big awards.
5. You produced a lot, won awards, including big awards, but didn't bring in new business.
6. You brought in new business but not a lot of revenue.
7. You brought in new business and a lot of revenue but the business isn't winning awards.
8. You brought in award-winning new business and a lot of revenue and that business is winning awards, but the margins aren't great.

AD AGED:

Wow, that is dispiriting.

CRRO:

That's right. That's how it's done in advertising today.
Try these:

24. Our business model is under pressure.
25. Our business model is in great shape but we're anticipating a tough 2019.
26. We're good through 2019 but we're anticipating a tough 2027.
27. We're anticipating a tough 2021.
28. A lot of clients are cutting back.
29. Our costs are rising faster than revenue.

AD AGED:
Well, our time is up for today. Thank you for spending five minutes with Ad Aged.

CRRO:

Spending. You said it again. Remember, we don't use that word.

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