I'm a motivational speaker, goddammit.

Hi! It’s Tuesday.

And what a day it is to be alive!

What a great day it is to be a motivational speaker.

What a great day it is to go on LinkedIn or YouTube

and shout into my iPhone for ten minutes,

telling people how lucky they are to be alive and

if they’d just get up and at ‘em, and grab the bull by the horns,

and carpe our diems,

and decide to be happy,

well, then, by golly, we will be happy.

Because I’m a motivational speaker goddammit and I know how these things are.

Forget about doing work that makes a difference for clients.

Forget about the lives of your employees and the people who rely on you.

Keep your sunny-side up!

Let a smile be your umbrella and your umbrella be a smile.

You have to love life

and live love.

And I’m loving life,

because I’m a motivational speaker, goddammit

and I’m going to help you crush it

so hard you’ll crush what’s already been crushed

and crush it again.

I’m a motivational speaker, goddammit.

And you have a choice.

Every day you have a choice.

To be positive.

To have a positive attitude and bring positivity to everything you do.

And when you do that,

and when you hustle,

when you make every day the first day in the rest of your life,

that’s when you really make things happen,

that’s when you realize that to be successful at life

you first have to succeed in wanting to be successful at life.

Because success is success and begets more success.

So put your best foot forward, even if you’re disabled and have no feet.

In that case, put your best remaining limbs forward

and seize the carpe.

Grab the bull by the horns

and the horny bull by the bulls

and crush it!

You have to love today if you’re going to love tomorrow.

I know, because I’m a motivational speaker, goddammit.
Who makes things happen every day

and who every day makes things happen.

Because I bring it.

I love it.

I choose to be positive,

and I’m positive I choose to be positive.

And I crush it while I hustle and hustle while I crush it.
And I should know.

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I’m a motivational speaker goddammit.