Since I’ll never get rich actually working in advertising, I’ve concocted a plan to get rich the new-fashioned way.
That is, I'll create “bespoke” advertising and “marketing services” agencies that Accenture Interactive can buy from me. Here are the first ten I’ve created. Accenture Interactive, I await your phone calls.
1. Quantopopulus. A specialist in people-focused quantitative data-analysis conducted by machine-learning algorithms.
2. NoRun. Winner of 12 Cannes Lions, including the Grand Glass Uranium Order of St. Pizza Lion for ads that no client ever paid for and which never ran.
3. Virtualust. A consortium of virtual offices aligned around the central theme of sexual harassment.
4. Deckaid. A global network of powerpoint designers who do nothing but incorrectly number the pages in 200-page decks.
5. WJJ. (Who Just Joined?) The first global agency network that exists only via conference calls.
6. RoundSeventeen. An agile creative agency formed by Rich Siegel. It streamlines creative processes by starting with revised creative.
7. 2Come. An agency that changes its name and its branding so often I haven’t decided on a name for it.
8. Wirelessless. An agency that puts an emphasis on face-to-face communication, primarily because its wireless networks are almost always down.
Head. An agency where all employees are C-level and there’s no one to do any actual work.
10. Driven. The agency that is driven by everything. We’re data-driven, insights-driven. Solutions-driven. People-driven. Media-driven. Results-driven. Innovation-driven. Iteration-driven. Process-driven. And-more-driven.