DEFENDANT: I have been accused of a murder I did not do.
LAWYER: I understand.
DEFENDANT: I need you to defend me. To get me off.
LAWYER: Yes, I can help you. I will prepare your case.
DEFENDANT: Well, no, that's not quite what I was thinking.
LAWYER: Oh?
DEFENDANT: What I'd like you to do is prepare three different defenses for me.
LAWYER: Three?
DEFENDANT: Yes. And I need them in a week.
And then I'll pick the defense I like the most.
LAWYER: You'll pick the defense?
DEFENDANT: Yes.
LAWYER: What do you know about the law? The judge we're going in front of?
DEFENDANT: Well, I know what I like. And if I'm unsure, I can test the defenses.
LAWYER: Test them?
DEFENDANT: That's right. I will find a few people who have time off in the middle of the day. I'll pay them $50 and ask them what they think your best defense is.
LAWYER: Do these people have legal training?
DEFENDANT: No, but they'll probably have changes to your defenses.
LAWYER: Changes?
DEFENDANT: Not big ones. You know, stuff like make the defense friendlier and more up-beat.
And so it goes.
