Is there anything else I can help you with?

I've had it with The New York Times. Not the paper itself, which I love and depend on (though, like most other news outlets, the Times has increased its coverage of the puerile and banal and decreased its coverage of petty things like wars, famines, pestilence, global warming, hate crimes, slavery, poverty, locusts and the Mets)but the home delivery service my wife and I subscribe to.

We, we were told when we subscribed, would get our paper before 6AM. Which means we'd have a chance to read it in the morning before we leave for work. Of late, and by of late I mean for the last ten years, the paper's been coming well after 7.

So I called the Times.

First they tell me, a recording tells me, that I'll be on hold between 8 and 13 minutes. That's just what I like, a margin of error of over 50%. Imagine interviewing for a job and being told you'll get paid between $80K and $130K. Not even close.

Finally I get a "customer care representative." I explain my problem. I tell her that my apartment house is served by two delivery services. One seems to deliver the paper in the 6AM range. Mine, is unacceptable. I don't want to cancel my subscription, I just want to change delivery services.

"Oh," says the central Kentuckian on the phone, "I can send a memo to the distributor, but it's not what we do here. We're a phone center."

"Your recording said you're a customer care service. I'm not getting any care."

"We're a phone center."

"Well, connect me to a supervisor."

I hold for about five minutes.

Finally Little Abner comes back on. "The are no supervisors available. Can I have one call you?"

"Yes, I say. After 9:30. I'm in meetings until then." I said, knowing I'll never get a call back.

And then the clincher.

"Is there anything else I can help you with?" She drawls.

"You didn't help me."

"Ok, but is there anything else I can help you with?"

"You didn't help me." And I hang up the phone.