Nine changes that suck.

I saw a young old friend for breakfast this morning. One of the smartest most ambitious people I know. And also well-adjusted. She left the fleshpots of Madison Avenue almost a decade ago. “I’m not even sure I could go back,” she said to me. “Too much has changed,” I answered. “Most of all they suck.”

1.              Track changes suck. I don’t know about you, I can’t address copy changes that come in from seven different people in four different colors with everybody talking over everybody else. You want efficient? Come to my desk and talk to me. You can bring a pencil if you like.

2.              Google drive changes suck. Same as above with your smiling face in a thumbnail I really don’t need to see that while you’re butchering my work.

3.              Proving to me how hard you’re working sucks. Copy changes at seven that are due the next day at noon suck. As much as you’d like me to, I don’t work around the clock. See me with suggestions at 9. Bring me coffee. And we’ll work out a delivery time. Civility. Try it.

4.              Acting as if everything is as important as the Allied invasion of Europe sucks. We don’t need war rooms. Deployment of resources. Hourly mandatory check ins. Sorry. Your anxiety doesn’t correspond to my efficiency.

5.              Not being able to print sucks. I shouldn’t have to swipe a card, enter a job code or beg an assistant to print a document. I know that “watch the pennies and the dollars watch themselves.” But for crissakes, just let me print without the run-around.

6.              Meetings during lunch hour suck. I’m not hypo-gycemic.. I don’t have low blood sugar. But I do need to push away from the desk and eat a tuna salad sandwich now and again. There’s feeding time at zoos. Allow people to eat in peace.

7.              Open-plan offices suck. But you knew that already.

8.              Having the word Chief in a title sucks. And having more than one chief sucks even when they’re differentiated by “Geo.” Stop taking yourself so damn seriously. And any business that needs a Chief Ethics Officer should either be mob run, or should be out of business.
9.        Lists suck. They’re the cheapest form of writing.