Ad Aged:
Good morning. Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to meet with me. I know as a big Holding Company’s CLKACO, you must be extremely busy.
CLKACO:
You’re right. Let’s make this quick. I’m as busy as a hotdog at the ballpark.
Ad Aged:
Why don’t you start by telling me what a CLKACO is—and what you do.
CLKACO:
Well, when a Holding Company’s stock starts dropping, when revenue falls, what’s the first thing they do?
Ad Aged:
Double down on their yacht expenditure at Cannes?
CLKACO:
Got me there. OK. What’s the second thing they do?
Ad Aged:
Fire the people who actually do the work?
CLKACO:
OK, wiseguy. What’s the third thing a Holding Company does when it starts going south?
Ad Aged:
You’ve stumped me.
CLKACO:
Well, they turn to me. As CLKACO, I’m Chief Let’s Keep Adding Chiefs Officer.
Ad Aged:
Chief Let’s Keep Adding Chiefs Officer? What is it that you do?
CLKACO:
Like my title says, I bring in and promote a lot of people. And I give them a “Chief” title.
So an agency that’s in trouble might have 15 or 19 Chiefs. Chief Rumination Officer. Chief Obfuscation Officer. Chief Punctuation Officer. Chief Getting Things From Point A to Point B Officer. And so on.
Ad Aged:
I’d have thought the opposite would happen when an agency starts to stumble. Maybe you’d cut some overhead at the top and reassure the people actually digging the coal.
CLKACO:
To the uninformed eye, that makes sense. But we figure differently. Having dozens of Chiefs reassures our shareholders. And that’s more critical than work.
Ad Aged:
Thank you for your clearing this up. Just a couple more questions.
CLKACO:
Sorry, we’ll have to continue some other time. I have a meeting in five minutes with our CEEALO.
Ad Aged:
CEEALO?
CLKACO:
Chief Expensive Expense Account Lunch Officer.
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