WE OPEN ON THE LAVISH EXECUTIVE OFFICES OF A MID-TOWN AD AGENCY. WAGSTAFF, THE CEO IS SITTING BEHIND A MAHOGANY DESK ROUGHLY THE SIZE OF THE LUSITANIA. BAGLEY, A 30-SOMETHING ACCOUNT GUY CREEPS TIMIDLY UP TO WAGSTAFF'S IMPOSING DESK.
Bagley: You wanted to see me, sir?
Wagstaff: [HE BARELY ACKNOWLEDGES BAGLEY'S PRESENCE. AFTER TOO MUCH TIME, WAGSTAFF LOOKS UP.] Buckley!
Bagley: It's Bagley, sir.
Wagstaff: What kind of ridiculous name is BagleySir, Buckley? We've got a problem.
Bagley: [STAMMERING] A p p problem, sir?
Wagstaff: Yes, Banfield. A big problem.
Bagley: Sir--
Wagstaff: Bixley, I put you in charge of the agency's digital transformation efforts.
Bagley: Yes, you did, sir. And I thank you for that vote of confidence in me. I've been blowing the midnight wind-turbine on digital transformation.
Wagstaff: Blowing the midnight wind-turbine? What in tarnation are you talking about?
Bagley: Well, sir, we're completely sustainable here. We're reducing our carbon footprint and...
Wagstaff: Confound it, Bushwack, don't keep jabbering till Hoboken freezes over. What is it?
Bagley: It's just that 'burning the midnight oil is so petro-chemical-based' I changed the metaphor to 'blowing the midnight wind-turbine.'
Wagstaff: Well, yes, whatever. But that's not why I called you in here, Billingham. I put you in charge of digital transformation, did I not?
Bagley: Yessir, you did.
Wagstaff: Then you, Buttbottom, you're the one responsible for leaving the digital transformer on all last night. Do you know what our electricity costs were last month?!
The boys from the Holding Company are up my keister like deer-tick gnawing on a cocker spaniel's ass.
Don't you know, Barojas, we operate on razor-thin margins here at Wagstaff, Staffwag and Nostaff?
Bagley: Oh Mr. Wagstaff, sir, the Digital Transformatron, McKinsey Model Six Million never shuts down, sir. It's constantly transforming our digitals.
Wagstaff: Transforming? All our digitals?
Bagley: That's right, sir. The Digital Transformatron, McKinsey Model Six Million, is state-of-the-art best-of-breed thought-leadering digital transformationing.
Wagstaff: Billabong! You're a genius. I'm making you, I'm making you, I'm making you....
Bagley: [EAGERLY] Yes, sir...
Wagstaff: I'm making you a senior unpaid intern!
THE SET GOES DARK. AND THE CURTAIN FALLS.
EXEUNT
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