The new normal. The old normal.

You can hardly spit these days with reading an article or hearing a puffnosticator talking about the NEW Normal and what it will bring. The Ad Aged editorial department asked its staff from offices around the world--how they see the NEW Normal as compared to the OLD Normal. 

Thanks especially to Myrna in Myanmar, Romy in Romania, and Yitzhak in Yonkers.

In the OLD normal, offices had people crowded together, sitting shoulder-to-shoulder to maximize employee revenue per square foot.

In the NEW normal, management will threaten to lower the wages of those not willing to be crowded together, sitting shoulder-to-shoulder to maximize employee revenue per square foot.

In the OLD normal, people were forced out of the business around the age of 40. At that point, they were making too much money and were replaced by cheaper workers.

In the NEW normal, people are forced out of the business around the age of 35. At that point, they're not making too much money, they're just ugly and so are replaced by cheaper, better-looking workers.

In the OLD normal, agencies were predominately white and male and their work suffered from the myopia implicit in the patriarchy.

In the NEW normal, agencies are predominately white and male except for two female BIPOC hired with Chief Inclusion Officer titles. The work is just as myopic, but in an egalitarian way.

In the OLD normal, we cravenly cajoled unwitting consumers into buying products they didn't need.

In the NEW normal, we cravenly cajole unwitting consumers into believing they're saving the world by buying a particular fabric softener.

In the OLD normal, we wasted four hours a day commuting to offices.

In the NEW normal, we waste four hours a day on banal Zoom meetings that someone needed to schedule at 8 at night to prove how important they are.

In the OLD normal, we spent countless hours in airless conference rooms listening to some self-important needledick drone on.

In the NEW normal, we spend countless hours in airless apartments listening to some self-important needledick drone on, only to be fired when we reach 38.

In the OLD normal, we could convince ourselves that via shooting with famous directors and great actors we were creating something of value worth watching.

In the NEW normal, we have 140 characters and must use the word "Robust" five times.

In the OLD normal, the people at the top had worked for decades in the business. Because of their experience and wisdom, they made 30 to 50 times the median salary of a typical employee

In the NEW normal, the people at the top are accountants. They make 300 to 500 times the median salary of a typical employee because they nominate friends and colleagues to the compensation committee and reward themselves accordingly.

In the OLD normal, people looked the same and thought differently, and they called that homogeneity.

In the NEW normal, people look different and think the same, and they call that diversity.

In the OLD normal, ads went to masses of people and influenced them

In the NEW normal, ads go to masses of influencers who have no effect on people.

In the OLD normal, you could raise a family of four on an advertising salary.

In the NEW normal, you can raise one-fourth of a family on an advertising salary.

In the OLD normal, you could get fired for writing a piece like this.

In the NEW normal, you can get four new clients for writing a piece like this.