You can tell you're at a synagogue by all the German cars parked outside.
The rabbi was so boring I shot myself in the temple.
Why do so many Jews convert? They sit in temple and say "Jesus Christ get me out of here."
I always get up early on Rosh HaShanah. I want to make sure I'm able to nap in synagogue.
So, there's a synagogue with a rodent problem. The first exterminator puts out mouse traps and kills all the mice, but a week later, all the mice are back. The second exterminator bring a cat who chases all the mice away, but a week later, all the mice are back. The third exterminator puts cheese all over the bima and the mice all come out and he Bar Mitzvah's them all. So they never come back.
My seats were so good this year I could almost see the rabbi.