The following is from the NPR radio show "Car Talk." I'm sure the phrases contained below will come in handy.
Alternative Ways of Calling Someone Stupid
*A few beads short in her rosary.
*A few too many lights out in his Christmas tree.
*A few french fries short of a Happy Meal.
*A room temperature IQ.
*A walking argument for birth control.
*Batteries not included.
*Elevator doesn't go all the way to the penthouse.
*Elevator goes all the way to the top but the door doesn't open.
*Four cents short of a nickel.
*Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
*He's so dense, light bends around him.
*His head whistles in a crosswind.
*His mind wandered and never came back.
*If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
*If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
*It's hard to believe he beat 100,000 other sperm.
*Knitting with only one needle.
*Living proof that nature does not abhor a vacuum.
*Plays solitaire for cash.
*Receiver is off the hook.
*So dumb, blondes tell jokes about him.
*Takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
*The cheese slid off his cracker.
*Uses his head to keep the rain out of his neck.