Five Minutes with our COO.

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AD AGED:

Thank you for agreeing to meet with me today. I realize as COO, Chief Operating Officer, you must be exceedingly busy.

COO:

To be completely obvious about it, Chief Operating Officer is quite a demanding job. But my title is completely different. I am also a COO—but a Chief Obvious Officer.

AD AGED:

I’ve never heard of that title. What is it that you do?

COO:

It’s simple, really. Obvious, in fact. I say things that are absolutely banal and trivial but in today’s insecure, needy and dumbed-down era, they pass as profound because I say them loudly, I repeat them often and then I post them on four or a dozen social media platforms.

AD AGED:

Faux profundity, give me an example.

COO:

Ok, here’s a recent tweet: Brands understand that today’s consumers have gone public about their privacy concerns.

AD AGED:

That’s excellent. Completely obvious and banal.

COO:

Yes, and what makes it so brilliant is that it’s completely devoid of any sort of proof or data. It’s just an unfounded assertion said with some degree of assertiveness.

AD AGED:

I see. So you keep yourself and your company in the news while blurting things of absolutely no value.

COO:

That’s what influencers do. Here’s one, in today’s data economy, leveraging insights from data is paramount. Television viewership has decreased while OTT and stand-alone are standing alone in an OTT way.

AD AGED:

Profoundly superficial.

COO:

Yes, and in a profound way. People with nothing to do, no discernment of their own and who are smitten by the 9-watt glare of internet celebrity pass these thoughts on, and all of a sudden, I’m an Oracle.

Here’s one I just came up with. Complete hooey that people embrace because it contains a slim semblance of sense:

AD AGED:

Go on.

COO:

A CEO works for his employees. And leads from the front.

AD AGED:

Wow, you almost had me nodding. Yet it’s totally vanilla and altogether meaningless.

COO:

You’ve heard the term witticism, of course.

AD AGED:

Yes, your statements don’t exactly sound like they emanate from Oscar Wilde.

COO:

I know that. That’s why I’ve trademarked the coinage, nitwitticisms.

AD AGED:

That’s good. Can I use that?

COO:

Yes. With proper attribution, of course.