Tuesday, March 30, 2010

99 lies. A work in progress.

1. I will never lie to you.
2. We're all in this together.
3. The only thing that matters is the work.
4. I'm a straight shooter.
5. I like it.
6. This place is not a sweat shop.
7. I hate calling you on the weekend.
8. If the client doesn't shape up, we'll resign the business.
9. We will get you the help you need.
10. You don't have to make these changes, they're just my two cents.
11. We're going to give you consolidated feedback.
12. It's good for the category.
13. Just one thought.
14. I'll call you right back.
15. We finished second.
16. We're all about work-life balance.
17. Lunch will be served.
18. If we make a good impression with this presentation, we'll win more business.
19. No one in the company is allowed to use car service.
20. Raises are capped at 4%.
21. There's a hiring freeze.
22. No one's getting a bonus this year.
23. This business is supposed to be fun.
24. This is a meeting to help you clear your calendar.
25. I always have time for you.
26. I'm not complaining.
27. It's going to get better.
28. You won't take the hit for this.
29. I really like what you've done so far.
30. Don't worry, this is a one-time thing.
31. In the future you'll have a much longer turnaround time.
32. Yes, we have an internal bidder/a bid from a contractor we always work with, but everyone has a fair shot at the contract.
33. Can you give us a break on the price for this project? We can make it up to you on future ones.
34. This is our last change.
35. I know we told you this is a rush job, but can you put it on the back burner for a moment and work on this one instead?
36. Sorry I haven't had a chance to look at it for the past two weeks. Here are my changes -- I need these back before my meeting starts in an hour.
37. Have a nice day.
38. I want to know if anyone has a problem.
39. I know we've sold out on this project, but we'll get our integrity back on the next one.
40. We can easily combine concepts A and B.
41. We need to do this to show the client it won't work, they'll never buy it, so don't spend a lot of time on it.
42. I loved the copy.
43. I hope you don't mind but I made a few minor changes to your script before showing it to the client.
44. We're interested in trying something different.
45. I'm not worried about face time.
46. We're focused on the results, not the process.
47. It's not my call.
48. That's my final offer.
49. This meeting will help clear up any points of contention.
50. This meeting will bring us all to an understanding.
51. This meeting will be a more productive use of your time than whatever else you might have been doing.
52. This meeting is a chance to get your opinions heard.
53. Bonuses for the management have been waived and are being redirected to feeding the homeless and caring for abandoned animals, without any pressure from outside sources.
54. This is only between those in this room.
55. The call/meeting will only last 30 min/1hr/90 min.
56. Please, just this once.
57. This is an unusual situation and request.
58. Market research will help us find the answer.
59. I'm counting on you.
60. All we need is this win.
61. We aren't political.
62. We'll be making a decision in a few days.
63. We have a great relationship with this client.
64. I have a hard stop.
65. We all have to suck it up a little bit.
66. The money will always be there.
67. You were overpaid when we hired you.
68. You've got an attitude problem.
69. It is what it is.

I will update this list throughout the day. Please respond with suggestions.

13 comments:

Tina said...

If we make a good impression with this presentation, we'll win more business.

Anonymous said...

George, At the moment I am a victim of number 18. And I'm old enough to know better. But I'm poor enough that I have to pretend it's true.

Graham said...

(Off the top of my head...)

I really like what you've done so far.
Don't worry, this is a one-time thing. In the future you'll have a much longer turnaround time.
Yes, we have an internal bidder/a bid from a contractor we always work with, but everyone has a fair shot at the contract.
Can you give us a break on the price for this project? We can make it up to you on future ones.
This is our last change.
I know we told you this is a rush job, but can you put it on the back burner for a moment and work on this one instead?
Sorry I haven't had a chance to look at it for the past two weeks. Here are my changes -- I need these back before my meeting starts in an hour.

~Graham

Jonathan said...

How about:

I want to know if anyone has a problem.

I know we've sold out on this project, but we'll get our integrity back on the next one.

We can easily combine concepts A and B.

Tina said...

We need to do this to show the client it won't work, they'll never buy it, so don't spend alot of time on it.

Anonymous said...

I hope you don't mind but I made a few minor changes to your script before showing it to the client.

Creative directors say that all they time when they've butchered your idea with their inanities and it no longer resembles anything you originally did.

Jake P. said...

Oh, Geo, this is pure win!

Some add'l items for consideration...

We're interested in trying something different.

I'm not worried about face time.

We're focused on the results, not the process.

It's not my call.

That's my final offer.

Ruby Rosamund said...

This meeting will help clear up any points of contention.

This meeting will bring us all to an understanding.

This meeting will be a more productive use of your time than whatever else you might have been doing.

This meeting is a chance to get your opinions heard.

Bonuses for the management have been waived and are being redirected to feeding the homeless and caring for abandoned animals, without any pressure from outside sources.

Laura said...

Are you keeping it to the top 99? Why stop there?
Here are a few more:

This is only between those in this room
The call/meeting will only last 30 min/1hr/90 min
Please, just this once
This is an unusual situation and request
Market research will help us find the answer
I'm counting on you
All we need is this win
We aren't political
We'll be making a decision in a few days
We have a great relationship with this client

Robert said...

The money will always be there.

You were overpaid when we hired you.

You've got an attitude problem.

Dean said...

Hate. Hate this one and made a promise to myself to never speak it.

"It is what it is."

Anonymous said...

I just spoke with senior management and you are definitely not on the list to get laid off.

I'm still furious about that one.

Dee said...

From a freelance editor's POV:

The schedule has been pushed back again, but these dates are solid.

I'll have the files for you tomorrow.

The author is wonderful to work with.

Yes, it's a rush, but we don't expect you to have to work weekends.