Monday, March 15, 2010

An ode to Legal.


You cannot say that, it isn't true.
Oh please don't list the things we do.
I know we told you otherwise,
But plug your ears and close your eyes.
At all times play it safe and cautious,
Don't make a claim, it makes us nauseous.
Do not take chances, do not be bold,
When legal speaks, do as you're told.
Don't be fancy, don't be cute,
That's cause for a class-action suit.
Say nothing, water-down all claiming,
At least your ad won't be defaming.
It's time, you know, give up the fort.
Otherwise, we'll meet in court.*

Vehicle(s) shown may feature optional equipment.MSRP does not include delivery, processing and handling fee of $875. Excludes taxes, title, license and optional equipment. Dealer price may vary.©2006-Inc. All information contained herein applies to U.S. vehicles only.[1]All the airbag (AB) systems are Supplemental Restraint Systems. All ABs (if installed) are designed to inflate only under certain conditions and in certain types of severe collisions: frontal and knee ABs typically inflate in frontal collisions; side and side curtain ABs in side collisions; Roll-Sensing Curtain ABs at a severe tilt degree, roll or lateral G-force. In all other accidents, the ABs will not inflate. To decrease the risk of injury from an inflating AB, always wear seatbelts, sit upright in the middle of the seat as far back as possible and do not lean against the door. Do not put objects in front of an AB or around the seatback. Do not use a rearward-facing child seat in any front passenger seat. The force of an inflating AB may cause serious injury or death. Please see your Owner’s Manual for further information/warnings. [2]The Navigation System is designed to assist in locating an address or point of interest. XM NavTraffic® and XM NavWeather™ require a monthly service fee and hardware. XM NavTraffic is designed to provide real-time traffic or alternative routes of travel. XM NavWeather is designed to provide real-time weather and forecasting information in your general vicinity and along your route of travel. Discrepancies may be encountered between the system and your actual location. Road system and weather changes may affect the accuracy of the information provided. Rely on your common sense to decide whether to follow a specified route. Detailed coverage not available in every city or roadway. Periodic Navigation updates available at an additional cost. Please see your Navigation System Owner's Manual for further details. IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT OPENING A NEW ACCOUNT AT XXXXXXXXXXXX
To help the United States Government fight terrorism and money laundering, Federal law requires us to obtain, verify, and record information that identifies each person that opens an account. What this means for you: when you open an account, we will ask for your name, a street address, date of birth, and an identification number, such as a Social Security number, that Federal law requires us to obtain. We may also ask to see your driver's license or other identifying documents that will allow us to identify you. We appreciate your cooperation. Annual Percentage Yield (APY) is accurate as of 02/18/2010 and applies only to accounts opened through this Web site or by calling 1-800-374-9500. Rates are subject to change without notice and the rates on accounts other than a certificate of deposit (CD) may vary after the account is opened. Click product name for details.Deposit products are offered by XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX, N.A., Member FDIC.Personal Loans and Home Equity Loans and Lines of credit are offered by XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX, N.A., an Equal Housing Lender.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Credit Cards are issued by XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (South Dakota), N.A.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX student loans are offered through The Student Loan Corporation, a subsidiary of XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX, N.A. First Mortgage products are made available through XXXXXMortgage, Inc.; XXXXXMortgage, Inc. does business as XXXXXcorp Mortgage in NM. XXXXXMortgage, Inc. is an equal housing lender. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX is prescribed to treat erectile dysfunction (ED).Important safety information Do not take XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX if you take nitrates, often prescribed for chest pain, as this may cause a sudden, unsafe drop in blood pressure. Discuss your general health status with your doctor to ensure that you are healthy enough to engage in sexual activity. If you experience chest pain, nausea, or any other discomforts during sex, seek immediate medical help. In the rare event of an erection lasting more than 4 hours, seek immediate medical help to avoid long-term injury. If you are older than age 65, or have serious liver or kidney problems, your doctor may start you at the lowest dose (25 mg) of XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. If you are taking protease inhibitors, such as for the treatment of HIV, your doctor may recommend a 25-mg dose and may limit you to a maximum single dose of 25 mg of XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX in a 48-hour period. In rare instances, men taking PDE5 inhibitors (oral erectile dysfunction medicines, including XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX) reported a sudden decrease or loss of vision. It is not possible to determine whether these events are related directly to these medicines or to other factors. If you experience sudden decrease or loss of vision, stop taking PDE5 inhibitors, including XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX, and call a doctor right away. Sudden decrease or loss of hearing has been rarely reported in people taking PDE5 inhibitors, including XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. It is not possible to determine whether these events are related directly to the PDE5 inhibitors or to other factors. If you experience sudden decrease or loss of hearing, stop taking XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX and contact a doctor right away. If you have prostate problems or high blood pressure for which you take medicines called alpha blockers, your doctor may start you on a lower dose of XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX should not be used with other treatments that cause erections. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX should not be used with REVATIO as REVATIO contains sildenafil, the same medicine found in XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX does not protect against sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV.
The most common side effects of XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX are headache, facial flushing, and upset stomach. Less commonly, bluish vision, blurred vision, or sensitivity to light may briefly occur. Please see full prescribing information for XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (25-mg, 50-mg, 100-mg) tablets. © 2001-2009 XXXXXXXX Inc. All rights reserved. Terms of Use Privacy Policy Contact Us Site Map The blue diamond tablet shape is a registered trademark of XXXXXXX Inc.
The health information contained herein is provided for educational purposes only and is not intended to replace discussions with a healthcare provider. All decisions regarding patient care must be made with a healthcare provider, considering the unique characteristics of the patient. The product information provided in this site is intended for residents of the United States. The products discussed herein may have different product labeling in different countries.
XXXXXXXXis a licensee of the TRUSTe Privacy Program.

2 comments:

Jake P. said...

Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear.

Ruby Rosamund said...

The second stanza has such eloquence to it, you could hardly blame XXXXXX for wanting it on their ads...