Uncle Slappy talks about toast.

Uncle Slappy and Aunt Sylvie are up at my place this weekend from Boca. Uncle Slappy loves the Superbowl and hates watching it alone so he "took the Amtrak" to see me. This morning at about 5:30, Uncle Slappy is an early riser, I made Uncle Slappy, or tried to, some breakfast.

What follows is Uncle Slappy's report on my culinary efforts.

"I want to talk about toast. Not the "Here's to Phil" kind of toast. But toasted bread. I've noticed of late that it's hard to get good toast anymore. I think people just don't care or they don't know. Or they've forgotten.

Mr. Big Schot, Mr. Advertising Executive, Mr. Man Men, he doesn't know toast. After all I've taught the man, he makes toast like Sylvie.

Sylvie, my wife of almost 55 years doesn't do it right. She toasts well, the bagel nice and dark, but then she funfers around for ten minutes before buttering or schmearing. So what I get is a toasted bagel, not toast. Here's my point. TOAST SHOULD BE HOT. Hot is toast. Toast that's not hot is bread that's toasted. Also this is the way at coffee shops, by the time you get the toast you asked for what you have is toasted. Not toast.

Now, if you go into "Hole-y Moley," our local bagel shop and ask for a toasted bagel, you get something worse by a long schot. A bagel that's been through a toaster and is warmed or slightly singed by the toaster. But singeing is not toasting. No siree.

To sum up--toast is toast when it is served medium to dark brown (pumpernickel notwithstanding) and hot."