Thursday, March 21, 2013

New titles.

I wrote a post last month called "De-Coding, Part 2." In it I imagined what would happen if agency titles encapsulated what agency people actually spend their days doing.

I sat in one of those long and unwieldy meetings today.

And I did some more thinking on the matter.

Here are some new titles I've come up with:

Chief Data Officer
Director of Data Sifting
Minutia Enlargement Sheriff
Serif Sheriff
Client Estrangement Officer
Punctuation Provisioner
Cliché Distribution Manager
Associate Director of Meetings
Curator of Disposable Trends
Powerpoint Illegibility Optimizer
Williamsburg Extrapolation Sommelier
Customer Journey Tour Guide
Director of Rounded Corners
Associate Director of Associate Directors
Ass-Embracement Manager
Chief Story-telling Officer
Director of Bullet Placement
Deck Construction Manager
Associate Director of Italics
General Manager/Distortion
Director of Ersatz Ideation
Chief Bombast Officer
Associate Director of Blathering
Obfuscation Ombudsman
Vice President/Second Guessing
Global Glibness Officer
Chief Chief Officer
Disambiguation Ambiguator
Community Infiltrator
Director of Hashtag
Social Media Medea
Financial Prevarication Associate
Director, Gouging
Confusion Coordinator
Panic Instigation Director
Generalized Anxiety Disorder Manager


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Bob Hoffman said...

I think you forgot Chief Research Misinterpreter

george tannenbaum said...

He was out yesterday, Bob.

Anonymous said...

Easy there cowboy, the forces of darkness are moving in. They probably have one for you as well. Best not to realize one's one absurdity in addition to this.

george tannenbaum said...

Shut the fuck up, Anonymous.

Graham Strong said...

Some great ones there, but "Williamsburg Extrapolation Sommelier" has an especially wicked ring of truth to it. Love the idea of a marketing sommelier, whose job it is to pair brands and campaigns with the latest marketing trends. Can also help transplant the DNA from a lifestyle or a brand to another (to "Williamsburg" it...)

"No. If anyone orders Facebook, I'm leaving. I am NOT using any f*cking Facebook!"


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