Friday, March 11, 2022

The Mis-Answer Man is Back!

The Mis-Answer Man is here to mangle your pressing questions. Today's topic, "Are Lemon Squares a Passe Dessert?"

1. You fired me at the start of the pandemic. Can I assume you've forgotten by now and just start showing up?

Yes. We never paid you anyway. And your presence will save us from renting temps so prospective clients think our offices are occupied.

2. My boss calls meetings for no apparent reason other than he likes having people around so he can act important. Do I have to show up just to massage his fragile ego?

Yes. That is the very definition of your job.

3. The agency refrigerator hasn't been cleaned since before the pandemic. Should I still store my lunch in it?

No. Current holding company strictures no longer allow for employees to take lunch breaks. 

4. My agency has a "hot desk" arrangement and people are reserving places by leaving their masks as placeholders. What can I do?

Be happy your agency has hot desks. Most agencies are economizing by providing only room-temperature desks.

5. What about the psychological effects working at home has had on people? Loneliness. Burnout. Isolation.

We'll be having a smoothie bar in the office every fifth and seventh Tuesday of the month.

6. My agency wants us back three-days-week but that means I have to find full-time childcare what can I do?

You should get a part-time child.

7. Now that we're returning to the office, can I re-establish work/home balance by refusing to take late-night phone calls or respond to after-hours emails?


8. I'm a perma-lancer and have been working exclusively remote, so no one knows how old I am. I'm afraid they'll cut me loose when they see I'm in my 60s. What can I do?

File for unemployment.

9. Now that we are together again, I'm worried about highly-charged face-to-face confrontations. How can I lower the tension level?

If someone confronts you just repeat, "that's not a best practice."

10. Since the beginning of the pandemic, I've heard a lot about the great resignation. What can management do to ease its effects?

Hire a raft of new C-level workers who have figurehead jobs and don't show up anyway.

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