This has to happen every once in a while.

My law firm, Dewey Cheathem and Howe, has advised me to publish the following: I'm sorry for everything I've said and will say in the future and I apologize to all I've offended and whom I will offend in the future. Further, I am sorry for my crass, craven and callow disregard for other people's points of view, opinions and reasons for doing what they do and for any intimations that they may be less intelligent, motivated and diligient than I am.