WE OPEN ON THE GIANT MASSIF OF THE ROCKY FACE OF A LOOMING, YET EXTINCT VOLCANO.
THE CAMERA ZOOMS IN ONTO THE SHEER FACE OF THE BASALT, THEN WINDS THROUGH THE ROCK INTO A CAVERNOUS UNDERGROUND LAIR.
AROUND A GIANT CONFERENCE ROOM TABLE SIT DOZENS OF SEVERE AND MONOCLED MEN, THE UNSEEN TITANS OF THE AD WORLD WHO TREAT US ALL LIKE PUPPETS ON A STRING.
ABOVE THE TABLE IS HUNG A BILLOWING POSTER, IT READS: "ANNUAL HELDING COMPANY MEETING."
Vats mit der Helding Company?
Vee ist der Holding Company, jah?
We're a Helding Company...
Rhymes with Gelding...
We're not a Holding Company,
Because all the companies we used to Hold
we drove out of business.
So, our company is a Helding Company.
Made up of companies we had held before
we forced them into receivership.
I held Backer Spielvogel.
I held Wells Rich Green.
Hal Riney. Ted Bates. Ammirati. D'Arcy Masius.
Benton & Bowles. Kenyon & Eckhardt. Messner!
We used to HOLD them all.
Bloom. Temerlin. Scali. Marschalk. Bozell.
Cliff Freeman. Lord Geller.
Papert, Koenig, Lois!!!
We held them. We sucked them dry. We took their cash flow and spit out human lives.
We held them.
Then we dropped them.
All that glitters is not hold.
As our progenitor Martinus Gaius Sorrellus
I came, I saw, I stripped out all assets, transferred the money to Switzerland, fired all employees and Eviscerated.
To the Helding Company!
There's no greater creator of destruction.