Thursday, January 25, 2024

The Scoop on Snoop.

I'm tired.

I'm really tired of all the marketing advice that's confetti'd out by hundred, thousands or tens-of-thousands of people everyday in social media, in the trade press, in Ted Talks, in blogs and whatnot.

I'm tired of the bombast, the bluster, the bushwa.

I'm tired of the platitudes. The tautologies. The obvious crap passing as philosophy.

I'm tired of
The lying
The magic,
The tragic,
The crypto-ization
Of our entire Ponzi'd nation.

Brands do it.
Agencies do it.
Pundits do it.

It's all marketing advice--blather--that's pushing a particular agenda that will somehow give the person dispensing the advice more business or more prestige. 

All this marketing advice is a little like financial advice from snake-oil salesmen--the people selling timeshares in Boca del Vista, or a swamp, or some planned projected that will never get built. 

They come from a place of causality. 

If you'd only do this (which is simple) untold riches will be yours.

Psychics do this.
Maybe putative lovers.

Here's the things that all purveyors of marketing advice forget or neglect.

Of course they don't mention it. Because it's really the hard part of doing marketing.

Without the hard part, none of the magic formulae will work.


There was a lot of jabber last week about Snoop Dogg and Solo Stoves. 

The commercial got a lot of attention because it did parts 2 and 3 above very well. (I happen not to like Snoop Dogg, but that's besides the point.)

The problem was 1.

No one has a burning need in January to buy an outdoor fire-pit. Nobody ever has a burning need to buy an outdoor fire-pit. 

I don't have any data, but I'd can't imagine the outdoor fire-pit market is all that big to begin with. Maybe because I'm a northeasterner, but I don't relish the thought of sitting outside in the cold. For fun.

Smokeless or not.

Marshmallows or not.

As Marlon Brando (Terry Malloy) said to Eva Marie Saint (Edie) in "On the Waterfront," 

"I don't like the country, the crickets make me noivous."

There's not a whole lot to learn from the Snoop Dogg fire-pit commercial except that if you're going to try to sell something it helps to have something worth selling that people want to buy. Then, you have to go to steps 2 and 3.

I also think a lot of advertisers and agencies forget a major starting point of advertising.

Just yesterday I saw a teaser for a Superbowl ad for Hellman's mayonnaise.

A teaser for a mayonnaise commercial.

That's like needing foreplay to chew moldy cardboard.

The starting point is simple: "Why should anyone care?"

Why should anyone need this mayonnaise or smokeless stove? 

We forgot.

No one cares.

Advertising isn't just to remove money from people. Or to magically somehow make people want something. It's to tell them about something that adds to their lives. Then they'll be more willing to buy your brand. And you'll have to sell less-egregiously. Because you're providing value.

And don't start with the story-telling bushwa. Just give me an epigram--about eight words--that gives me something I believe that I can remember. Do that and I'm yours for life.

The ultimate driving machine.
Let's build a smarter planet.
Think different.
When it absolutely positively has to be there overnight.

Those phrases communicated value. The products or services those phrases were written about delivered.

A smokeless stove is so what.

We do a lot of attempted taking. Thievery.

We don't do much giving. Kindness.

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