Tuesday, October 3, 2023

If the Ad Industry Gave Out the Nobel Prize in Medicine.

In a highly-unusual move, The Nobel Assembly at the Karolinska Institutet has decided to award the 2023 Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine jointly to:

                     KATALIN KARIK√ď
                    DREW WEISSMAN    
                                  AND 100 OTHER WINNERS.

Because some worthy entrants would have been disappointed, even saddened, by not winning an award, the Nobel Assembly chose to follow the lead of the Advertising Industry.

Sven Svenson, a Nobel Spokesbot said in a statement, "Why should we give one award for medicine? There are so many doctors, so much medicine and so many worthy people, this year we decided to give not just one award, but one-hundred.

Plus, in lieu of raises and a rational set of standards, trophies represent a viable alternative. 

"Every piece of artwork deserves a place on the fridge, even if we don't own a fridge," said one recipient.

Herewith, a partial listing of winners for the Nobel Prize in Medicine:

Dr. David Blumenthal, a Bridge Mix, New Jersey pediatrician, won his first Nobel, for giving lollipops to children who had to get shots and vaccinations.

Dr. Liza Natale, a New York, Ear, Nose and Throat specialist received her first Nobel for "meritorious use of tongue depressors." 

Dr. Sarah Clary, a Boston psychologist, was awarded her first Nobel Prize for saying, "Um hmm. How did that make you feel?" a record 27-times in just one 45-minute session.

Dr. Donna Olmstead, a Montgomery, Mississippi veterinarian won her Nobel and a prize of $262,000 for asking Marvel, an eight-year-dachsund, "Who's a good dog?" and rubbing Marvel's tummy.

Mrs. Laszlo Kowalckek, a registered nurse from Crystal Lake, Illinois won a special Nobel for putting salve on her daughter's scraped knee.

Click here for a complete listing of 102 winners. 

No comments: