Tuesday, December 19, 2023

99 Things I Hate. [34-67.]

34. Net anything but Net30.

35. Massaging the copy.

36. People who want to 'borrow your brain.'

37. 68-page PowerPoint briefs rather than one-page 12-point briefs.

38. Brainstorming.

39. Ideating.

40. Work sessions.

41. Tissue sessions.

42. People who talk about mindfulness and 'the art of being present.'

43. Politicians who call the republican party 'the party of Lincoln.'

44. Billionaires who don't pay taxes.

45. ie Billionaires.

46. Meetings after 4 on Fridays.

47. Lateness.

48. When you get a new client and they only have 30-minutes for meetings, because their days are a series of twenty 30-minute meetings.

49. Expecting good work to result from clients like that.

50. Track-changes with conflicting feedback.

51. Being expected to make sense of track-changes with conflicting feedback.

52. Pantone's color of the year.

53. Discussing Pantone's color of the year.

54. Superhero movies. And the idea that there are more than twelve people on planet earth who would look good in full-body tights.

53. Connected TV. 

54. Any thing, anyone, any brand that promises 'cash back.'

55. Any thing, anyone, any brand that promises to give one to charity when you buy one.

56. Any thing, anyone, any brand that asks you to round up your purchase and the brand will donate it to charity (and get the tax deduction.)

57. Self-checkout. 

58. Big box retailers with no sales-help, low quality, undifferentiated products that have driven independent shops out of business--especially ad holding companies.

59. Commercials shot on iPhones with crappy acting, crappy scripts, crappy direction, crappy offerings, and a general level of crappiness. They're proof the client thinks their customers are also crap.

60. Announcements of senior level job changes where someone is said to be spending more time with his family.

61. People who announce they're off on their next adventure.

62. Any thing any brand calls a journey.

63. Commercials with Kevin Hart. Unless they're funny. Which means they don't feature Kevin Hart.

64. Mayonnaise commercials where it's claimed that mayonnaise has a hand in saving the world.

65. Any commercial where you don't know what's being sold for more than 20 seconds. Unless the drama is so well-conceived you actually care, and then what's being sold is actually good. 

66. Ads that let you skip them after five seconds. If your ad is that skippable, it sucks. And you're advertising in places people don't think you belong.

67. Recency. That is, people with no historical perspective who believe, essentially, a classic is defined by age, not quality.

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