Wednesday, December 20, 2023

99 Things I Hate. [68-99.]

68. Hands-free driving. What's next, hands-free toilet-paper?

69. The general acceptance of laziness, like hands-free driving.

70. Any commercial that includes wireless speeds.

71. Any person who believes that any wireless system has ever delivered the wireless speed claimed by the system.

72. The batteries in Apple products. If Apple made pacemakers people would die after about three hours.

73. Corporate logos on sports uniforms and digitally imposed on the pitcher's mound and the wall behind home-plate.

74. Brands and agencies that turn viewers into victims.

75. People who don't turn off the set when they're being victimized.

76. Billionaires who want to fight each other. And who don't do it with chainsaws.

77. Shrinkflation. A pint of ice cream that's three ounces short of a pint but priced 20% more than a pint.

78. Airline commercials where people look comfortable and there are no crying babies, surly flight attendants, two-hour tarmac delays and broken equipment.

79. Commercials where two slackers have a problem: only one beer, soda or bag of chips left.

80. When a mediocre actor dies and it seems that half the world proclaims what a big part of their lives that mediocre actor was.

81. Anyone who says something is genius or brilliant. Especially if they're talking about an ad, a brief, or a social post. 

82. People who drive alone in giant pick-up trucks or SUVs, leave them idling for twenty minutes to 'warm up', and then complain about gas prices.

83. That it's good to call someone a bad-ass.

84. Stadiums named for corporations that pay no taxes. 

85. Car commercials where cars drive on traffic-less roads. ie All car commercials.

86. Self-help and housekeeping hints from what used to be 'the paper of record.'

87. Megan Kelly.

88. People who make a big deal about their feelings about the Oxford comma.

89. People who don't give a rat's ass about the Oxford semicolon.

90. Those who extol machine-learning while ignoring the greatest tool for learning, thinking, creating and inventing: the human brain.

91. Statements like the above. Tautologies masquerading as wisdom.

92. People who write things like, "tautologies masquerading as wisdom."

93. People who say they're in "talent acquisition," as if talent is something you can acquire, like rat poison.

94. Likewise, people and companies who refer to people as "human resources," or ideas as "content" or something worthwhile as an "asset."

95. Bad search.

96. ie, all search.

97. Companies that pledge to be "carbon-neutral" by some faraway date. It's like saying, "I'll be over pederasty by 2037." If it's important to do, do it now.

98. People and companies that pay giant fines and are allowed to "admit no wrong doing."

99. End-of-year articles when you're pretty-well out of ideas.

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