Branding devices.

One reason I have such disdain for Telco advertising in general and in AT&T's in particular is that I think they use the words "brand" and "branding" all wrong. AT&T calls their stylized globe, their orange color and their logo "branding" or even their "brand." No. What those things are are "branding devices."

Branding and brands are based on how companies act and perform--how they treat you. Branding devices like the Macintosh Apple or the Nike swoosh are good because they are devices that help consumers recall the aspects of brands they admire. The Verizon check-mark rune does nothing more than remind us of how much we hate Verizon. Likewise the swastika forces me to recall a brand (the Nazis) I hate. However, if I were a Hindu, the same swastika might help me recall the god I love.

In short, branding devices are only as good as the brands they recall. They are mnemonic and have no inherent value. The tooth shown here can be a branding device for a dentist. If, however, the dentist displaying this sign has dirty hands and uses rusty pliers, this sign won't drive business his way. His brand sucks. A branding device won't help him.

AT&T. Same shit, different logo?

Given that Telcos are just about the biggest marketing spenders in the US, it's hard if you're interested in advertising not to keep a watchful eye on them. Well, yesterday Ad Age reported that BBDO has launched a new campaign for AT&T (or should I type at&t?) that speaks not about fewest dropped calls but instead coverage in "far-flung places."

I admire much of the work BBDO produces. But the print featured in the article in which place names are combined to, I guess, humorous effect was such a total rip-off of a campaign for a tech company called Riverbed that I am completely appalled. The TV features similar "mash-up" situations but I suppose people will now flock to AT&T because Wes Anderson directed the spots.

I'm not buying any of this. Or bills that are now colored orange for "branding" or renovated stores. Until wireless carriers address their shoddy service, lousy coverage, inflated claims and intentionally confusing offers, people will hate them--and the Telcos will need to continue the heinous and un-free-market practice of penalizing people for leaving them. That's not brand-loyalty, by the way, it's brand black-mail.

If you operate on the assumption that people like brands for the same reason they like particular people, this ain't doing it for me. I've yet to choose a friend based on the color of the clothes she wears or based on the deceptions she propagates. If AT&T wants to be a brand people like, it's about behavior and performance, not crapvertising and cosmetic "branding."

LinkedIn to Barack.

I don't have a great deal positive to say about anyone--least of all a politician running for President. However, someone working for the Barack Obama campaign has something on the ball. Obama has a LinkedIn page and is inviting us all to join. That's a smart use of new media and is doing more than just telling--it's showing viewers (or attempting to show them) that he is with it.

http://www.linkedin.com/ppl/webprofile?action=vmi&id=11932467&authToken=Ajv2&authType=name&trk=ppro_viewmore

PS. Barack just responded to my invitation. We are now "LinkedIn." I know it's a ploy but he is getting word of mouth from it, ain't he?

Only the Dead Know Brooklyn.

"Come for a visit. Stay an Eternity." That's the headline on a direct mail piece I just received from The Green-Wood Cemetery in good old Brooklyn. In the piece, I'm invited to "Become a Part of History." Because Jean-Michel Basquiat, Louis Comfort Tiffany, Leonard Bernstein and 560,000 others are interred there, Green-Wood's tagline is "New York's Historic Cemetery.

The dm piece wasn't bad. I actually went to the site http://www.green-wood.com/ and though it's disconcerting that portions of it are "under construction," it's actually pretty interesting.

I'll say this though, nothing makes you feel like crap like getting direct mail from a cemetery. And as we Jews approach the point in the year when god allegedly decides whether we live or die, it's also a trifle disturbing. Especially since god hasn't responded to my Facebook requests. Bastard.

What are all those medals for?

Here are pictures of Generals Patraeus, Eisenhower and Marshall. The later have pretty impressive military resumes and actually won the wars they fought in. Check out how many medals Patraeus has. And how many Eisenhower and Marshall have. I'll admit, I don't understand military ways. I can't make a bed properly or polish my shoes to a high-gloss. But what did Patraeus do to get all those ribbons? Is he that much better a military leader than Eisenhower and Marshall? Or are we just supposed to be impressed and awed and therefore deferential? I wonder how many medals George Walker Bush got from skipping out of the National Guard.

The Award-Winning blog.

Recently Ad Aged won a major Bloward (that's a neologism that combines the neologism blog and the word award, kind of a neoneologism.)

Yes, I won a HalfBright Fellowship bloward. A $100,000 prize that goes to that person or persons whom best represent what the HalfBright stand for.

I'm not big on awards because everything today claims to be award-winning--dry cleaners, car washes, etc. I found the award pictured here just moments ago.

You say volatility. I say integrity.

Cramer-Krasselt had been doing good work for Career Builders. In fact, Career Builders had risen to become the Web's number one job site. Then C-K's Super Bowl spot for the client scored poorly according to a USA Today ad meter (there's a credible source for ya) and the Career Builders told C-K they were putting the account up for review.

C-K decided not to participate in the review and in a memo to C-K staff, CEO Peter Krivkovich said: "There are a few times in your life when you have to tell someone to fuck off and mean it." That memo got leaked and some theorized that Krikovich's perceived volatility would alienate potential clients.

Apparently that hasn't happened. And in short order C-K has won Zantac, Bissell and an advertising jewel, Porsche. They are on the short list for New Balance.

Naturally, you can't go around saying "fuck you" to clients. But you can stand up for your own integrity and the hard work your agency has done. You can still be a good business person and not subject yourself to spine-removing indignities. I'll even go so far as to bet you it's good for your business and your clients'.

Thank you, C-K.

Advertising Weak.

I just got my copy of Adweek, the near-obsolete analog edition, that recounts stories every Monday that if you're tuned into the industry, you read about as they happen. Be that as it may, the "official guide" to Advertising Week 2007 was included with Adweek. The guide is big and glossy and fat. I decided to flip through it.

First, I love that advertising week is only five days long. I know that's the length of a work-week, but the short-changed-ness seems symbolic of an industry that for too long has relied on hyperbole rather than reality.

Second is something I am stunned by. About dozen agencies have taken out full-page ads so as, I suppose, to have their logo prominently in this guide, and I guess to show their support for Advertising Week. Kirshenbaum has an ad. BBDO. TBWA/C/D. Interpublic. Universal McCann. AAAA. Euro. Leo Burnett. DrafFCB. Many others. You know what? They all suck. The ads blow. They say nothing. They aren't beautiful. They aren't smart. They communicate zip.

I know what happens with these ads. They're given to a junior team approximately 45 minutes before closing time. There's no brief, no budget, etc. But why? Why do the ads we do for ourselves suck out loud? Why are they so devoid of content. Why do they make us feel embarrassed to be in the industry many of us love?

Commercials on during 60 Minutes.

A poem.

I pee too often,
My cholesterol's high,
When there's too much pollen,
My eyes aren't dry.

My arteries are clogged,
My erection sucks,
My toes have fungus,
And I've got reflux.

General Betray-us.

The sham continues. The inundation will not abate. The surge is working. Peace is at hand. "We're kicking ass," as Bush said to the Austrians, oops, Australians.

By the way, the base Bush visited for a whopping eight hours last week, is nick-named "Camp Cupcake" by our soldiers. Anbar province, where we are making all this progress, accounts for less than 5% of Iraq. And why has 1/9 (11%) of the population of Iraq fled--that's the equivalent of 33 million Americans.

On the 6th anniversary of 9/11, do something. Refuse to spend money. Throw a rock. Read "The Nation." Do something. We have become 1930s Germany and we have to stop it. Somehow.