Friday, January 4, 2019

Nobody asked me but….Early January edition.

Nobody asked me but (NAMB) is my periodic tribute to the great old-time New York sports-writer Jimmy Cannon. Cannon, prodigiously prolific, would write one of these columns when he hit a dry-patch.

Nobody asked me but….

….I don’t know how to tie a scarf so it doesn’t hang out from the bottom of my coat like a codpiece.

….I will never learn.

….If you don’t know what a codpiece is, look it up.

….Despite what my new Apple Watch tells me, standing once-an-hour is not an achievement.

…If you ever need a good, erudite insult, Winston Churchill is a good source.

…Consider this one: “He has, more than any other man, the gift for compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thought.”

…Unless they’re gymnasts, I don’t trust anyone who says they’re agile.

…Or anyone who uses the word curate.

…Or iterative.

…And if you have to tell people you’re transparent, you’re not.

...Never trust a commercial where the announcer says to someone "What if I told you...."

...The 2019 version of "Your check is in the mail": "This site uses cookies to provide you with a more responsive and personalized service. By using this site you agree to our use of cookies."

…At televised political debates it would be great if each candidate had to answer ten questions in a “lightning round.” i.e. What’s the minimum wage? What’s a quart of milk cost? How much do we spend on defense? How much do we spend on education?

…Or in the case of Donald Trump, “who wrote Herman Melville’s ‘Moby Dick’?” 

...Better yet, “name an African-American author and two of their books.”

…The telcos haven’t rolled out 5G yet and I already get nauseated every time I hear the phrase “blazing fast downloads.”

…The telcos have been saying “blazing fast downloads” since we had modems back in the 90s.

…No one believed it then. No one believes it now.

…Lindsey Graham sounds like a dessert-cookie at a restrictive country club.


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